A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
What do you call a vegetarian Viking?
Norvegan.
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
How does a Viking show the amount of raiding and pillaging that they do at the same time?
They use a Sven Diagram.
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
The comedian said a joke from the 17th century, the crowd went historical.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
When the History teachers wanted to help out students who were failing the subject privately, they put up a poster on the school bulletin boards that said, "Need Tudoring?"
I wonder why Lenin didn't realize that communism would fail to work. There were so many red flags everywhere.
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, "You're just going to lose it."
Vikings weren't exactly the best at drinking contests.
They were quite MEADiocre.
Who was the biggest prankster in George Washington's army?
Laugh-ayette!
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!"
"You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!"
King Arthur's Round Table was built by Sir Cumference.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
What do you think is the name of the knight who unexpectedly turned up at the battle? His name is Sir Prize.
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
When Napoleon is indecisive, he is torn-apart-e.
Did you hear about the viking cannibal?
He had a Swede-tooth.
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
Go to BabaMail
