What do you call a Viking who's been bitten by a vampire?
Norseferatu.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
What do you think is the name of the knight who unexpectedly turned up at the battle? His name is Sir Prize.
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
During the cold war all the countries involved went into hibernation.
Why can't Vikings fans eat cereal? Because they choke before they ever reach the bowl.
A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!"
"You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!"
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
What did a viking said to the other after a dad joke?
Aesir what you did there.
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
Hey, have you heard about....
A gladiator whose arms and legs been cut off in a fight? Well, I heard that he's been disarmed and defeated.
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
Norwegian archeologists have uncovered the very first Viking parenting book.
The title, translated into modern language, is *It Takes a Pillage*.
Henry VIII had breathing troubles - he had no heir!
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
When Napoleon is indecisive, he is torn-apart-e.
The loveliest subject in schools History because it has so many dates.
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
What do you call a detective from the Reformation?
Martin Sleuther.
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
The yearbook superlative that Robert Lee had given in his graduation was "Most likely to secede."
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
To get to the other tide.
The biggest irony in the world's history is that the Russian alphabet has no letters in lowercase. It is all Capitalization.
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
History teachers are the worst gifters
They always think about the past, not the present.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
The comedian said a joke from the 17th century, the crowd went historical.
King Arthur's Round Table was built by Sir Cumference.
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
One fundamental lesson our teacher has taught us in History class while talking about the Civil War was never to take victory for Grant-ed.
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