In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
It is no wonder that Thomas Jefferson was thus named, his father was after Jefferdad.
When the gladiators fought lions
it was always the mane event
When a ship or Vikings suddenly vanishes
There's a disturbance in the Norse
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
Name the subject that is most fruitiest among others. History because of it huge number of dates.
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
Nobody knows about Napoleon's brother because they were born-apart-e.
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
Why did the mammoth have a woolly coat?
Because he would have looked ridiculous in an anorak.
Why did Karl Marx dislike Earl Grey tea? Because all proper tea is theft.
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
What do you tell the nobles of Scandinavia whenever you're leaving their house?
Viking.
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
What do you call a Swedish cycling group?
Viking Biking
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
Did the Vikings believe in reincarnation?
That's a re-Thorical question.
A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
"Norway"
What are the Vikings favorite drink?
Mini Sodas
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
My girlfriend said if I don't stop my obsession with Viking culture she'll fight me to the death.
"Jokes on you," I said. "If I die in battle, I'll go straight to Valhalla."
In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it. A student handed in his work with "The Magna Carta was signed in 1215" written 150 times.
The teacher asked the boy, "Why did you write this?" The boy replied, "Because you always say that history repeats itself!"
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
Catherine and Peter performed great in 'Dancing with the Tsar'last night. But Ivan was terrible.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
Why can't Vikings fans eat cereal? Because they choke before they ever reach the bowl.
After having learned the history of chess, I have come to the conclusion that all chess players have quite a checkered past.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
Before America was founded, the idea of a democratic nation in the New World was unPresidented.
How was the viking party?
Pretty Loki.
What's a Vikings favourite dance?
The Loki cokey.
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
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