What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?
One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
Which was the largest Gladiator of them all?
Gluteus Maximus
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
When a ship or Vikings suddenly vanishes
There's a disturbance in the Norse
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
Why did Alexander not like eating chicken legs? Because he hated defeat.
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
A teacher asks one of their pupils, "Can you describe Napoleon"s origin?"
The pupil replies, "Course I can." (Corsican)
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
Henry VIII had breathing troubles - he had no heir!
When my teacher asked me if I knew who built the ark in History class, I answered, "I have Noah idea!"
Name the subject that is most fruitiest among others. History because of it huge number of dates.
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
What did one Viking war paint say to the other?
Poly, you're a Thane.
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
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