What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
The colonized do not like British tea. They only want liber-tea.
When the student had asked the History teacher what questions will be there for the History exam, she answered, "The Past."
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
The paper my student wrote on Tsar Ivan was so bad, it was tearable.
That boy narrated his-story really well.
Who succeeded the Vikings?
The Z-kings
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
I wouldn't say I liked the documentary that I had watched on the history of WD-40. It was non-friction.
What did Dead Viking say to Voluptuous Valkyrie?
Valhallo there.
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
What can you find in both medieval English castles and American art museums?
Norman Rock Wells.
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
One of the historical figures to play music with has got to be the talented Mr. Ben-jam-in Franklin.
It might take a village to raise a child...
but it only takes a viking to raze a village.
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?
Because of their skills in hacking
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
If George Frederic Handel would be born in the modern era, his favorite song would be "Club Can't Even Handel Me."
What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?
Barberians.
When Napoleon is indecisive, he is torn-apart-e.
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
I saw the Liberty Bell.
It's not all it's cracked up to be.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
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