[Food Spread] This is the line of scrumptiousness.
I’ve been getting blitzed all game
Why is a Tornado the best type of football player?
Because it always gets touchdowns.
Did you hear about the Heisman Trophy candidate who falsified his rushing stats?
The yards were stacked in his favor!
Why did the uncouth spud not stop talking during the football game?
Because he was a common-tater.
The huddle is real
We’re calling your number.
By the seat of one’s punt
What does a mom of a football fan hate the most?
A messi room.
Don’t pass on this party – rush on over.
[Chicken] We’re serving this during the game, so you might call it a live ball fowl.
Why did the football coach attempt to destroy the vending machine?
Cuz it wouldn't give him his quarterback.
My girlfriend told me she's breaking up with me because of my football obsession.
I told her she'll need to wait till the summer window if she wants a free transfer.
What do you do if a running back swallows the football?
You have to get him to cough it up!
What is a defensive football players favorite dessert?
Apple Turnover.
What happened when the football coach’s dog ran onto the field during a game?
He got called for ineligible retriever down field!
I made a snap decision to watch football today
Which is the coolest football team in Italy?
AC Milan.
We’ll have a ball.
Did you hear about the football team that drafted a vending machine?
They really needed a quarter back!
Where do sperm play football?
In a con-dome.
I had a really good fantasy football team.
Then, My Luck ran out.
I went to Oxford University, where I was a philosophy major and the starting goalkeeper on the football team.
They called me Soccertes.
Having a ball
What did the foot say to the football?
I toed you.
I just watched Sunday Night Football.
There were Lutz and Lutz of field goals.
Did you hear about the fumbled exorcism? The guy retained possession!
Staying humble thanks to that fumble
Don’t drop the ball – without you, the party will be incomplete.
What’s the difference between a punter and punster?
A punster gets his kicks with bad puns like these!
The goal nine yards
Why couldn't the skeleton play football?
He didn't have the guts.
If an Octopus were to play football, how many tackles per game would an Octopus have?
Tentacles
Football is one habit I will never kick.
We’ll kickoff the party with some cocktails.
[Chips] This is what I call a chip shot.
[Beer] This is my number one draft pick.
Why was the potato fired from his job at the football stadium?
He was a horrible commentater.
o my friend Justin was late for the football game.
But that’s okay because he arrived Justin time for kickoff.
I’ve been getting blitzed all game.
[Bundled Up Guy] This is what you call man coverage.
[Drink] That’s a thirst down!
I like your tight end
What stat do the Miami Dolphins lead every single year?
All Porpoise Yardage!
I almost brought a screwdriver to the football game, but was stopped by security
They said that match-fixing isn't allowed.
What’s a Movers favorite football team?
The Packers!
Why wasn’t the pig chosen in the football/soccer team?
It was a ball hogger.
I feel tail great!
Calm before the score
Why was the football pitch a triangle?
Because someone took a corner
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