The goal nine yards
Football is one habit I will never kick
By the seat of one’s punt
The huddle is real
The calm before the score
Where do sperm play football?
In a con-dome.
Do you know why an octopus is so good at Football?
It gets ten tackles a play.
Here’s the game plan: [party details]
With salsa, cheese dip, and guac, our bowl game is hot.
My football teammate asked me, “On a scale of 1-10, how do you rate our after-victory celebration?”
I gave him a high five.
Why was McGruff the Crime Dog ejected from the football game?
He was called for unnecessary gruffness!
Why couldn't the warden decide whether to allow the prison football team play the professional football team?
The idea had its pros and cons.
Jokes are a lot like American football.
If you haven't gotten anywhere with the first three tries, you'll need to rely on your punner.
What do Walter Payton and Luke Skywalker have in common?
They both did great with a hand off!
How do you call football without shoes?
Socker.
Having a ball
Why did the football coach attempt to destroy the vending machine?
Cuz it wouldn't give him his quarterback.
I made a snap decision to watch football today
Don’t pass on this party – rush on over.
Why’s it always hot after a football game?
All the fans left.
What is a defensive football players favorite dessert?
Apple Turnover.
Why did the uncouth spud not stop talking during the football game?
Because he was a common-tater.
This event is sure to be out of bounds.
Which is the coolest football team in Italy?
AC Milan.
I went to Oxford University, where I was a philosophy major and the starting goalkeeper on the football team.
They called me Soccertes.
Having a ball this weekend with my best friends
Staying humble thanks to that fumble
I’m icing the kicker – and by kicker, I mean beer.
A goal new ball game I he a kick outta you
What does a mom of a football fan hate the most?
A messi room.
Don’t drop the ball – without you, the party will be incomplete.
Case in punt
All punts are highly intended
No intentional frowning is allowed here.
What do you call a Spanish football player with no legs?
Gracias.
I’m establishing my punning game early today.
What is a bird that flies over a football field called?
A fieldgull.
Why did the quarterback suddenly walk off the field?
The coach told him to take a hike!
Why don’t quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage?
Because they produce audible groans!
Give me some pigskin
What did the foot say to the football?
I toed you.
A knife tried out for Varsity football.
It didn't make the cut.
I’ve been getting blitzed all game.
Why is Cinderella bad at football?
Because she’s always running away from the ball.
o my friend Justin was late for the football game.
But that’s okay because he arrived Justin time for kickoff.
We’ll have a ball.