What keeps the beat in a baseball song?
The bass line.
Why do gnomes like baseball? Gnome Runs.
Why did a baseball player decide to take a job at a used car lot during his off season?
He wanted to work on his sales pitch.
Why are some umpires fat?
Because they always clean the plate.
Why did the pirate captain want to hire a baseball player?
He knew he had a chest protector.
Which commandment do baseball players hate the most? Thou shall not steal.
What's the difference between a high-hit baseball and a maggot's father?
One is a pop fly and the other is a fly pop.
Do baseball players ever wear armor?
Only during knight games.
What has 18 legs, spits a lot, and catches flies?
A baseball team.
Why did the vampire strike out?
He used the wrong bat.
Why did the baseball player decide to shut down his website?
It just wasn't getting any hits.
What do baseball players eat at White Castle?
Sliders.
What did the baseball glove say to the ball?
Catch ya later.
What happens if you read too many Painful baseball Puns?
You're left in stitches.
Why don't orphans make good baseball players?
Because they don't know where home is.
What do baseball players eat their backyard BBQ on?
Home plates.
Why was the nice guy such a lousy baseball player?
Because he never got to home base.
How are baseball umpires and angry chickens alike?
Both make fowl calls.
How are ladies' baseball teams and cupcakes alike?
Both are delicious and depend on a good batter.
When his wife was preparing his favorite chocolate cake, the baseball player said "Batter Up.
Why did the baseball batter go crazy?
Because the pitcher only threw scewballs.
Baseball point to ponder: Why do we sing "Take Me Out To The Ball Game" at the ballpark, if we're already there?
Why was the baseball player so good at writing advertising jingles?
Because they're so catchy.
What do you call a winged insect that hits home runs?
A fly swatter.
Which position does the son of Dracula play on the baseball team?
Bat boy.
Why don't baseball players join unions?
They don't like to be called out on strike.
Why were there cows on the baseball field?
Because they were looking for the bullpen.
What do you get if cross a baseball player and a monster?
A double header.
If somebody says "You pitch great for a southpaw," is that a left-handed compliment?
Who wrote the fantasy novel How To Be A Better Baseball Player?
Ben Schwarmer.
Why are frogs great outfielders?
Because they never miss a fly.
Why do the ladies love baseball?
Because diamonds are a girl's best friend.
Which cartoon character is the best at baseball?
Homer Simpson.
What do you get if you cross a tree and a baseball player? Babe Root.
Why don't skeletons play baseball?
Because they don't have the heart for it.
Why did DPD rush to Coors Field?
They heard somebody stole third base.
What is the difference between a Yankees fan and a dentist?
One roots for the Yanks, and the other yanks for the roots. OUCH.
Which Star Wars movie is a baseball player's least favorite?
The Umpire Strikes Back.
A spectator at a baseball game wondered why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger. Then, it hit him.
Why did the horny duck circle the baseball field?
She hoped to catch some fowl balls.
When is an MLB ballpark the hottest?
After all the fans have left.
Which baseball player makes the best pancakes?
The batter.
The winning home run didn't surprise the hitter. He did it all without batting an eye.The baseball player loved his treadmill and all the home runs.
What did the mitt say to the baseball?
Hey baby, you're quite a catch.
Why was the mummy added to the game as a pinch hitter?
Because the manager knew he could wrap it up.
What are the rules in zebra baseball?
Three stripes, and you're out.
Did you hear the joke about the pop fly? Oh, nevermind. It was over your head...
Where can you find the biggest diamond in the world?
On a baseball field.
Why did the baseball team recruit a tiny ghost?
Because they needed a little team spirit.
What did they call Dracula after his team won the big game?
The Champire.
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