What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
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