My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
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