My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
The sun is just a big space heater.
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
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