I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
My TV hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
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