Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods.
It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
The sun is just a big space heater.
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
My TV hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
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