Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
Got my new blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...
It keeps giving me mixed results.
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
What do you get if you put kisses in a blender?
A Smoochie.
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
What's the opposite of a microwave?
A Tsunami.
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
As a refrigerator technician, after a hard day on the job, I like to relax...
And chill out.
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