I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
The sun is just a big space heater.
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
My TV hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
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