What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
What do you call an ironing board that makes your clothes more wrinkly?
An irony board.
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
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