This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
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