I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
The sun is just a big space heater.
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
I was going to start ironing, but I decided it was too depressing.
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
What do you get if you put kisses in a blender?
A Smoochie.
Go to BabaMail
