What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
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