The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
What's the opposite of a microwave?
A Tsunami.
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
Go to BabaMail
