When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
I was going to start ironing, but I decided it was too depressing.
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
The sun is just a big space heater.
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
Go to BabaMail
