My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods.
It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
My wife asked me why I was ironing my 4 leaf clover.
I told her I was pressing my luck
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