Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
My wife asked me why I was ironing my 4 leaf clover.
I told her I was pressing my luck
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
What do you get if you put kisses in a blender?
A Smoochie.
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.