The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
What do you call an ironing board that makes your clothes more wrinkly?
An irony board.
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
I was going to start ironing, but I decided it was too depressing.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
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