A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
What do you call an ironing board that makes your clothes more wrinkly?
An irony board.
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
The sun is just a big space heater.
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
My TV hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
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