I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
I was going to start ironing, but I decided it was too depressing.
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
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