How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
My TV hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
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