What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)