How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
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