Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
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