What is the hardest part about being a tree? You have so many limbs, but you still can’t walk.
Did you hear about the loggers who stopped cutting down the forest? The trees really felt re-leafed.
How do you get down from a tree? You can’t because down comes from ducks.
What weighs more: a pound of logs or a pound of leaves? They weigh the same.
What is the tree’s least favorite month of the year? SepTIMBERRRR.
What did Betula pendula tell her little sister when she was annoyed? Leaf me alone, birch.
How do trees get onto the internet? They just log on.
Today a large tree suddenly fell over right in front of me.
I was stumped.
Why are cedars so hard to get along with? They suffer from bigo-tree and ex-tree-mism.
Why did the Sugar Maple have to go to the dentist? It really needed a root canal.
What does a triangle palm like to study in school? Trigonometree.
Did you hear about the guy who fell in love with a tree? They say he was a tree hugger.
When is a piece of wood made king? when its a ruler
Did you hear about the big company that made syrup from contaminated trees? They maple their syrup from the shelves.
Is it hard to count conifers? It’s as simple as one, two, tree!
What did the tree tell the drill? You bore me.
Why do trees always get hired? They have the right qual-leaf-ications.
Why are dogwood trees amazing pets? They have a great bark and a wooden bite.
Why are trees so silly? All of their puns arboring and acorny.
What did the beaver tell the tree? It has really been nice gnawing you.
Did you hear about the bank that wanted to put an ATM up a tree? If it works, they are going to expand the idea to other branches.
Why was the tree so embarrassed during the winter? After her leaves fell, she felt naked.
What did the tree say after someone hit it? We should really call the copse.
Why aren’t trees competitive sports fans? They like to root for everyone.
Why was the tree doctor so good at his job? He could always get to the root of the problem.
Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
What did the dessert say to the Granny Smith tree?
You’re the apple of my pie.
Why are trees a popular Christmas decoration? They look good in boughs.
How do you describe an acorn in one sentence? In a nutshell, it is an oak tree.
What types of plants do you get after you plant kisses? Tulips.
What happens to romantic trees on Valentine’s Day? They get all sappy.
What did the Christmas tree tell his crush? I pine for you.
If trees could kill you, they wood.
Why are trees the best frenemies? They are great at throwing shade.
Finally put up the Christmas tree...
It really spruced up the room.
Why are trees such great thieves? They really have sticky fingers.
What do aspens wear to school? A tree-shirt.
What do poplars bring to war? They bring their infan-tree.
Why are trees the largest plant? Because they are truly tree-mendous.
Why do trees make the worst enemies?
Because they are the best at throwing shade.
To everyone in the Christmas Tree industry
You all do a great job! Stand up and take a bough!
Which tree is more annoying, pine or oak?
Pine. Because pine needles while oak leaves.
What did the tree say when it fell down?
"Call pine one one!"
What did the Jedi tell the sacred tree? May the forest be with you.
What did the eskimo say when he chopped down a tree?
Tim-brrr
. How can you easily identify a dogwood tree? By listening to the bark.
Where do saplings graduate from? Elementree school.
What did the conifer say when he finally got alone with his crush? It’s just yew and me, baby.
What did the rock say after it rolled into a tree? Nothing because rocks can’t talk.
Why do trees always hold grudges? Because they never fir-get.
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