What does a stick say when it falls down?
"Wood you help me up?"
Why do some trees hate playing checkers? Because they are true chess-nuts.
How did the pines and firs end their war? With a tree-ty.
Why don’t trees travel in groups? Because two’s a company, but tree’s a crowd.
What is the hardest part about being a tree? You have so many limbs, but you still can’t walk.
Not many people liked the new tree I planted.
It wasn’t very poplar.
If trees could kill you, they wood.
What do trees write on? Loose leaf paper.
Where do American trees like to go for vacations in Canada? Montreeal.
What happens to romantic trees on Valentine’s Day? They get all sappy.
Why can’t a Christmas tree sew? It keeps dropping its needles.
Why are trees the largest plant? Because they are truly tree-mendous.
What happens when you blend an artificial waterway with a tree? You get a root canal.
What is the same shape and size as a sequoia tree, but weighs nothing at all? The tree’s shadow.
What did the tree do when it found that the bank had closed? It starts a new branch.
To everyone in the Christmas Tree industry
You all do a great job! Stand up and take a bough!
Why wouldn’t the squirrel collect the oak’s acorns today? She called in sick and then went to the beech.
What side of the tree contains the most leaves? The outside, of course.
What did the rock say after it rolled into a tree? Nothing because rocks can’t talk.
What did the trees wear when they went to a pool party? Swimming trunks.
Why was the sapling crying to her mom? She said the big trees wouldn’t leaf her alone.
Did you hear about the guy who fell in love with a tree? They say he was a tree hugger.
Why do trees have to drink responsibly? Otherwise, they become a bunch of trunk idiots.
What do you give to a sick citrus tree to make it feel better? Lemon aid.
Why couldn’t the oak tree make friends? All of the other trees thought that he was a bit shady.
Why was the tree doctor so good at his job? He could always get to the root of the problem.
Why are Christmas trees so clean? They know how to spruce things up.
Why are trees a popular Christmas decoration? They look good in boughs.
Did you hear about the loggers who stopped cutting down the forest? The trees really felt re-leafed.
How do you describe an acorn in one sentence? In a nutshell, it is an oak tree.
Don’t ask me for any tree puns.
Acacia haven’t noticed I’m all out.
What looks like half a pine tree? The other half.
Why did the banana tree have to make a doctor’s appointment during the hurricane? Her fruit was peeling under the weather.
What did the tree tell the drill? You bore me.
Did you hear about the big company that made syrup from contaminated trees? They maple their syrup from the shelves.
Today a large tree suddenly fell over right in front of me.
I was stumped.
Why did the sapling jump in the ocean? He wanted to swim with the manatrees.
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
Why are cedars so hard to get along with? They suffer from bigo-tree and ex-tree-mism.
What do pines eat for breakfast? Past-trees.
What types of plants do you get after you plant kisses? Tulips.
Can you tell me what type of weeping tree this is? Yes, but you willow me one later.
Is it hard to count conifers? It’s as simple as one, two, tree!
Where did the Adansonia tree go to get a quick trim? To the baobarber.
What types of stories do giant sequoias love to tell? Tall tales, of course.
What do you see when an elephant hides behind a tree?
The trunks
I told my friend a tree pun.
He was stumped.
What did Sherlock Holmes say when he caught the Christmas tree bandit? It was elemen-tree, my dear Watt-son.
What is it called when a tree stabs his friend in the back?
A be-tree-yal
What is the tree’s least favorite month of the year? SepTIMBERRRR.
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