What does an ice cream lawyer say?
You got served.
What lives in apples and is an avid reader? A bookworm !
A cabbage said to a DJ “lettuce turnip the beet!”
My mother told me to leave the peach cobbler alone on the table. But I couldn't help but watch the cobbler make the beautiful peach shoes.
What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate? A Kitty Kat bar!
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
What do you call really scared pasta?
Chicken noodles.
Why are some cake jokes not as good as the others?
They tend to grow mold.
What did the Mexican heavy metal guitarist say to his bandmates?
“Rock out with your guac out.”
So I was standing in the grocery store comparing the prices of a couple packs of hummus when my roommate came up to me and suggest the off brand roasted red pepper kind to which I replied:
"Ya, I'm not really sure about that brand. They seem to be very hit and hummus for me."
He was not impressed.
What happens when an onion burps at the most awkward time? It releases tear gas.
What do you call someone who steals from the keebler elves? A crook-ie
What do you get when you cross Elon Musk and lobster bisque? A souped up car.
Why do donuts hate puns so much?
They donut like to joke around!
Where should you call if you find a bad cheese shop?
The feta business bureau.
What's the opposite of Green Tea? Fat-Tea.
I replaced the milk in the carton with lemon juice. Everyone was really sour about it.
I've been on a real hummus kick lately, so as I came home from work tonight, my sister says to me "You're always bringing home hummus now." To which I replied, "Hummus where the heart is!"
"I hate tacos!"
Said no Juan ever.
How does the recipe for German Sauerbraten begin? "First invade ze kitchen."
How do you get a raise at the bread factory?
Butter up your boss.
A cream-filled donut and an eclair decided to get a divorce.
It’s a sad story, but the real victims are their children. They’re in for a grueling custardy battle.
I’m opening a grocery store that specializes in Swiss cheese and donuts.
I’m calling it Hole Foods.
My dad said he wanted to steal a pumpkin
but all the stores were well-gourded.
Be like a pineapple: wear a crown, stand tall, and be always sweet on the inside.
In a world that is full of apples, it is much better to be a pineapple.
Which Oiler great had a soft spot for Indian food? Jari Curry.
Why did the farmer decide not to buy an extra phone? It was because he already had one for onion rings.
What do you get when you cross a goblin and cheese? Muenster cheese.
Dad fertilized the garden with corn starch.
The plot thickens.
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What do you call mountain climbing corn?
Mountain-ears.
I just hear that the woman who lives next door and loves fruit died. I hope she would rest in peach.
As a butcher, let me advise you never to back up into the meat grinder. It will make you get a little behind in your work.
What do you call solid gold bananas? A bunch of money.
What do you call a cow with no legs at all? Ground beef
What do you call two banana skins? A pair of slippers
What do you get when you put the number 3.14 in the middle of the onions? You get o-pi-nions!
What is Bruce Lee’s favourite fruit? Wataaaaar melooooon?
What did the horny woman say about her coffee?
That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.
Cows love music. In fact, they even have a favourite note: beef flat.
How does the recipe for German chocolate cake begin? First, invade ze kitchen.
I am a huge fan of local cuisine, and cooking is my soup-er power!
What do donuts wear to weddings? Tuxe-doughs!
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
People say nothing rhymes with orange. It seems very strange to me.
I squeezed the innards of a pumpkin into a glass, and the result was just beautiful
In fact, it was gourdjuice.
One strawberry said to the other, “Were it not that you were so sweet, you wouldn’t have ended up in this jam.”
When can a pizza marry a hot dog? After a very frank relationship.
Everything in this world is either a potato or not a potato
All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
Why did the baker keep putting too much flour in the bread? Because he was a gluten for punishment.