What vegetable is kind of cool?
The Radish.
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
I hope for world peas.
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
I need to take this picture for my instayam
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
Which vegetable is the most qualified?
Qualiflower.
Everybody romaine calm.
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
What a spud muffin.
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
Keep calm and carrot on.
Time to celery-brate.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
My brother turned into a vegetable.
I guess now he has fryngers and potatoes.
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
This foundation is rock salad.
I love you from my head tomato
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
Who is the best kung fu vegetable?
Brocc lee.
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
I think therefore I yam.
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
I yam what I yam.
Bad vegetable puns are dreadful.
It’s a truly rotten experience.
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"