What do sailors drink when they gather at a tavern to commiserate?
Port whine!
How does cabernet like to travel abroad?
On a cruise sip.
I like my wine sweet and my humor dry.
Did you hear about the crime family that took over the wine importing business?
They call themselves the Sip-ranos!
What does a cat lady say on Friday night?
I am drinking wine and feline fine!
Are there any funny red wine puns at BabaMail Jokes?
You bet Shiraz there are!
"Great minds drink alike."
Why did Wonder Woman rescue the Wine?
Because that's what grape lady superheroes do!
"Alcohol you later."
"Giving you more reasons to wine."
"Here for the right riesling."
Wino Woe: Forgive me, for I have zinned!
"You're the wine that I want."
"Love the wine you're with."
What happened when a clumsy sommelier tried to decant a bottle of fine wine?
Things went pour-ably wrong.
Whenever I feel like wining, I remind myself to put a cork in it.
"You had me at merlot."
"Read between the wines."
"Will you accept this rosé?"
"You can't sip with us."
Party Host: Would you like to try some mulled wine?
Party Guest: I'll have to think it over...
Gluten-free, dairy-free, fat-free – I love this new Champagne Diet!
How can you tell a wine taster is a newbie?
By the blanc look on her face.
This kind of wine does not go right through you. Trust me, you will pee no noir.
"Adulting makes me wine."
Why did the wine connoisseur insist on drinking from an old tire?
He heard it was a Goodyear!
My doctor said I need to change my diet. He said I should eat more more caviar and drink more champagne. So, I said, "That's insane! What kind of a diet is that?" He replied, "It's called a High Fluten Diet."
The problem with collecting wine is that you always end up getting screwed.
Why have less scato when you can have mo’ scato?
.
I’m not old. I’m aged to perfection. And full bodied.
"Sip happens."
"Everything happens for a riesling, right?"
"Hakuna Moscato. It means drink wine."
"It's wine o'clock."
"Cabernet. More like, caber-yay!"
Wine Connoisser Point to Ponder: Did Marilyn drink Merlot?
You’re wine in a million.
Why did Mrs. Wine Grape run away from home?
She was tired of raisin a family.
Wine if you must. It’s not good to bottle up your emotions.
Why have a mer little when you can have a merlot?
"I need to re-wine my life."
"I make pour decisions."
Why does your grandma like wine so much?
Because at her age, she needs glasses!
"It isn't good to keep things bottled up."
Don’t hang around booze hounds. They’re wine-y bitches.
"Let's get fizzical. Pass the prosecco."
Which type of wine only comes in a box?
Carbordeaux.
Oh no! My wine glass is empty. Somebody call Wine-One-One!
"Another glass? Wine not?!"
Why do wine lovers guzzle down vine humor?
Because wine jokes are a barrel of laughs.