How should you bury an onion?
... in a shallot grave!
An onion just told me a joke.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I got a packet of onions from the supermarket yesterday. Somehow, by today, all of them have disappeared. Guess this is why the shopkeeper warned me not to buy Bermuda Onions.
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
What is the favorite punk band of onions? It is a band known as "Good Shallot"!
What do you call a sweet onion? Caramelized!
When I proposed to my fiancee, she started crying. It must be because I proposed to her with an onion ring.
The late actor Sir Sean Connery was a big fan of the onion because well, he usshed to love them shh-allot.
My heart is like an onion...
I'm never getting a discount organ transplant again
Onions are great at being psychologists as they let people cry their hearts out in front of them.
What do you call a communist onion? You call it a red onion.
When the baby onion died just after being born, the doctors classified it as an o-neonatal death.
My wife’s an abysmal cook.
She tried combining corned beef, onions and potatoes…
She made a right hash of it.
What do you call an onion that carries electromagnetic waves? A photonion.
I recently heard on the news that due to newly detected fungus infection in the onions, the government was recalling all the recent packages of the vegetables. Despite being a farmer, I had no tears to shed over this.
I was making a salad the other day, and I thought I heard a small red vegetable that was a bit like an onion whispering. Must have been a hoarse radish.
What is the similarity between my wallet and an onion? Whenever I open both of them, I cry.
I was very surprised to hear those insane rapping skills from my green onions. It had lived up to its name of rapscallion.
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
What do you get when you put the number 3.14 in the middle of the onions? You get o-pi-nions!
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
In the history class, the onion teachers taught the student onions that during the vegetable cold war, the Soviet Onion was a superpower.
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping onions which made me cry
Onions was a good dog
Why do onions have poor self-image?
Because people cry when they get onions naked.
My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry
So I threw a pumpkin at her
What is the only way one does not have to cry while cutting onions? They simply don't have to form emotional bonds with it.
What do you call an onion monk who is present everywhere? Ommnion!
What is the onion that laughs a lot and is small and white in color? It is a tickled onion.
What happens when an onion burps at the most awkward time? It releases tear gas.
Where do you most often find onions having a drink? In the salad bar.
Where did the onion find his family history?
In the archives
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
For the last few Sundays, I have been receiving an onion pun in the mail. I don't know who is sending them. Guess it is onionymous.
What is the name of the onion ring that cannot but be funny? It is a Funyon!
Have you seen that film about the onion that turns into a spider?
It's called Shallot's Web
The onion teacher was teaching her onion students about figures of speech. Today, she was teaching onionomatopia.
There was a bull in the neighborhood who would always vandalize my farm. Guess it was because I harvested Spanish onions.
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
I used to sell loose onions
Until I got the sack‬
The onion husband and wife had a fight, and she told him that he shouldn't have exposed all his layers because it was making her cry.
How will the other onions remember the onion that died? It will be forever minced!
The old and wise onion had once told me that life is similar to onions. Whenever we peel off our protective layers, we end up crying.
Onions have had a long process in the evolutionary chain. They have evolved into today's onions from onionderthals.
Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
I once saw an onion that had been preserved for ages. It was an Egyptian onion.
How do you know the French Onion is Canadian?
Because the oignon est!
What was the event of the onion family getting back together called as? A family reonion.
What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
What is the favorite color of onions all around the world? Their favorite color is the o-neon.
How do you describe an onion which is in its early stages after birth? You say it is in its onion-ic period of its life.