A magnetic strawberry is always red and points north.
When I went to the shop to buy some strawberries, they didn't have any. It was such a fruitless trip.
Why doesn’t anyone invite an ice cream cone to their party?
They’re a drip.
What cheese surrounds a medieval castle? Moatzeralla
What is the only time you start at the red and stop at the green?
“When you eat a watermelon!”
What's the difference between a head of lettuce and a unicorn?
One is a funny beast, and the other is a bunny feast!
How do monsters like their eggs?
Terri-fried.
I am soup-er into the beautiful girl that I met yesterday at school.
Did I invite you to the Barbecue?
Then why are you all up in my grill?
"Back that glass up."
What did the Buddhist monk say to the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything.
Why did the burglar break into the bakery?
Because he heard the cakes were rich.
Why does Mr. Potato Head have a mobile?
In case Mr. Onion rings.
What's the hardest tea to swallow?
Reality.
What do you call someone who eats too many eggs?
An egg-oholic.
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it's been sliced.
Dad fertilized the garden with corn starch.
The plot thickens.
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What do you call mountain climbing corn?
Mountain-ears.
I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'.
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it's been sliced.
Having pineapple on a pizza is quite like going down on a cousin: It might taste good, but something is not right.
It’s common for people with heartbreaks to crumble.
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!
What kind of keys does a kid skeleton use on Halloween? Cook-keys.
Why did the clock in the donut shop run slow?
It always went back four seconds
This year for Valentine's day I got my wife the ace of hearts and packets of corn flour, rice flour and self raising flour
She wasn't happy. Apparently it wasn't what she meant when she said she just wanted a card and flowers.
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
How does a robot eat it’s guacamole?
Microchips.
What's grandma's favorite fruit?
a Ba-nana.
In North Korea, you can not throw fruits in the snow as they don't have the right to freeze peach
Having chicken broth before the game was a sure shot way to maintain energy for the Soup-er Bowl.
What happens when you rub two oranges together?
You get Pulp Friction.
What did the doughnut say to the pizza?
If I had as much dough as you, I wouldn’t be hanging around this hole.
On which website will you learn about the hidden gossips and secrets of the onion world? On the website Wiki-Leeks.
Where do you go to learn how to make ice cream?
Sundae school.
What did the steak say to his girlfriend? You're the apple of my rib-eye!
Why do communist hate bacon?
Because it’s from capitalist pigs.
Why does Elton John HATE lettuce?
Becuase he's a ROCKET MAN...
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
Why does a cow hate artificial milk? Because the substance is pow-dairy.
Why did the orange go to the doctor? He wasn’t peeling well.
I got my paycheck with a lemon slice on it today...
turned out my ex-wife was garnishing my wages.
I don't like cutting up a peach. I think it's because of the pits.
Nobody would ask the strawberry to go to the prom because it was past her sale by date.
The strawberry was scared of the cream. They were afraid it had gone bad.
What did the perverted pumpkin use for his pick-up line?
Hey gourd-geous! Wanna go back to my place and squash?
When would an apple be not an apple? When it is a pineapple!
What did the orange do the night before the exam?
He put his nose to the “g-rind-stone” and read the entire textbook.
What do you get when you cross an orange with a parrot? A carrot.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?
Why was the sweet potato too shy to ask out the russet potato? Because he was a real spud.