The best thing ever to put in a strawberry pie is your teeth.
What is the suckiest fruit?
A strawberry.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad to see me?
What happened to the criminal magician who ate to much salt?
Cardiac arrest.
I lost 90 pounds in 30 days on the juice diet
Every day I bought one juice for 3 pounds.
I recently heard on the news that due to newly detected fungus infection in the onions, the government was recalling all the recent packages of the vegetables. Despite being a farmer, I had no tears to shed over this.
What did the coffees say before their night out? Let's stir up some trouble.
Why did the worker get fired from the orange juice factory?
“Lack of concentration.”
Why do ice cream cones make such good journalists?
They always get a scoop.
Why did the orange fall out of the tree?
It went out on a limb.
Why did Wonder Woman rescue the Wine?
Because that's what grape lady superheroes do!
My wife misplace the sugar with the salt in her sugar cookies.
It was sodium disgusting.
Where do you go to learn how to make ice cream?
Sundae school.
What kind of apple has a short temper? A crab apple.
How did the egg get up the hill?
It scrambled up.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.
Got the drive-thru girl at Taco Bell..
I pulled up and she said, "what can I get you?" And I replied, "I'll just have a moment for now."
What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate?
A candy baa.
What did the newspaper say to the ice cream? What's the scoop
Where did the milk write everything about her life? In her dairy.
Where did the garlic clove go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
What does a worry wart drink? Safe-Tea.
What kind of tea do babies drink? Tit Tea.
What did the daddy potato say to his son before his soccer game? I’m rooting for you!
Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he drank his tea before it was cool.
What was Valentine’s favorite dessert for the French cat?
Chocolate mousse
Whenever I feel like wining, I remind myself to put a cork in it.
Did you hear about the CEO that got fired at the dairy farm? He was skimming a little bit off the top.
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
I recently got a new job as a golf caddy, but I was fired after less than an hour.
The guy asked me for a sand wedge. I don't think he likes pickle.
Why is the baby strawberry crying?
Because its parents are jamming
Why don’t oranges go around blind?
“Because they take Vitamin See!”
Went to the doctor because I got a strawberry stuck in my ear
He gave me some cream for it
Why did the wheel act so bossy? Cause he was the "Big Cheese."
Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he ate his soup before it was cool.
Subway - Lettuce know how we did.
Onions are great at being psychologists as they let people cry their hearts out in front of them.
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
Why do we enjoy wine jokes?
Because they're de-vine!
What does a surprised pumpkin say?
OH MY GOURD!
Basketball players always drop cookies into their milk.
That way, it's a slam dunk.
The doctor advised I tried a milk bath. I asked if it needs to be pasteurized. No, just above the knees she replied.
What’s a potato’s favorite TV program? Starch Trek.
What’s sweet and goes woof?
Pupcakes!
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
What does the ginger bread man put on his bed? A cookie sheet.
What do you call a potato that has turned to the dark side? Vader tots!
What did the boss say to his pizza during their meeting?
There’s mushroom for improvement.
The manager at the bread store told the baker that he had to stop loafing around. The baker said that it was his job.
Did you know that if you poured salt on a cat's tail it will fall off?
It's true! And if you pour pepper on a cat's tail, the pepper will also fall off.