What do you call a zombie who stir-fries?
Dead Man Wokking
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
What did the zombie bank robber say to the cops?
- You'll never take me alive.
What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
A dead-y bear.
Spent the whole day running around dressed as a zombie. I’m dead on my feet.
What did the zombie say when she fell out with her vampire friend?
- You're dead to me!
What did the zombie say when she thought the werewolf was keeping secrets?
Spill the zombeans.
What did the mummy say to the zombie?
- Stop ragging on me!
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.
Why didn’t the zombie stay in town?
There was a new head strong sherif in town!
What do you call a dog that comes back from the dead?
A zom-beagle.
What cars do zombies drive?
Monster trucks.
What is a zombie's favorite kind of weather?
Brainstorms.
Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
He had no leg to stand on!
What is the highest compliment a zombie can receive?
- Wow, you're in Grave condition!
Why did the zombie go to the doctor?
Because of his coffin.
What did the zombie pour on her dinner?
Grave-y.
What part of the military do zombies serve in?
The marine corpse.
What do you call a zombie driving a Ferrari?
A zoombie.
Did you hear about the zombie who was expelled from school?
He kept buttering up his teacher!
Why did the zombie stop teaching?
He only had one pupil!
Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night?
All they hear is groans.
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
What kind of potatoes do zombies like?
Monster mash.
Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
Where's the safest place to be in the zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
They just love a woman with brains.
The zombie had had a really long day at work.
She was dead tired.
Did you hear about the zombie after-school club?
It's dead in that place.
How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
What does the zombie say to her zombie crush?
- Are you going to kiss me or rot?
Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen
What do you call a zombie in pajamas?
The sleepwalking dead.
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
Why did the zombie go crazy?
He had lost his mind.
I walked past Mozart's grave.
He was sitting up, shouting "Braaiinnss" and ripping up all his music.
I guess he's a decomposer now.
What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse?
- It’s been a living hell with you guys around.
What do you call a row of zombies?
A deadline.
Why did the zombie eat a light bulb?
Because he wanted a light snack.
What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police?
It was facing grave consequences.
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
What is a zombie that speaks two languages?
Zombilingual.
What's a zombie's least favorite quiz question?
A no-brainer.
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