What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?
A mom-ster.
Did you hear about the zombie after-school club?
It's dead in that place.
Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night?
All they hear is groans.
Where's the safest place to be in the zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.
Why didn’t the zombie stay in town?
There was a new head strong sherif in town!
What do you call a zombie who stir-fries?
Dead Man Wokking
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
What is a zombie's favorite kind of weather?
Brainstorms.
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions.
They're horror-scopes.
Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
A dead-y bear.
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
Did you hear about the zombie who was expelled from school?
He kept buttering up his teacher!
The zombie worked for years to win this prize. He showed real dead-ication.
The zombie's had some bad news.
He's looking very grave.
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
They just love a woman with brains.
What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police?
It was facing grave consequences.
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
What do you call a zombie DJ?
A dead beat.
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.
What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
How do you know if you are dealing with a smart zombie?
They are wearing helmets!
What is the highest compliment a zombie can receive?
- Wow, you're in Grave condition!
What do you call an undead bee?
A zom-bee.
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
The zombie had had a really long day at work.
She was dead tired.
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
What do you call a zombie driving a Ferrari?
A zoombie.
What did the zombie say when she fell out with her vampire friend?
- You're dead to me!
What did the zombie boss say to the zombie employee?
- Don’t miss the undeadline!
What's a zombie's least favorite quiz question?
A no-brainer.
What did the zombie call the girl he was dating?
His ghoul-friend.
Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up.
She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse?
- It’s been a living hell with you guys around.
How do zombies introduce themselves?
- Pleased to eat you.
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.
What did the zombie say when she thought the werewolf was keeping secrets?
Spill the zombeans.
What do you call a zombie in pajamas?
The sleepwalking dead.
What did the zombie pour on her dinner?
Grave-y.
What do zombies eat for dessert?
Eyes cream.
Why can't the zombie get a job?
They all want someone more lively.
What do you call a bunch of zombie chickens?
The Bu-gawking Dead
Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
He had no leg to stand on!
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
What did the zombie bank robber say to the cops?
- You'll never take me alive.
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