Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
He had no leg to stand on!
What did the zombie say when she fell out with her vampire friend?
- You're dead to me!
What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?
A mom-ster.
What do you call a dog that comes back from the dead?
A zom-beagle.
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.
What did the zombie boss say to the zombie employee?
- Don’t miss the undeadline!
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce?
- Give me your heads!!
Where does a zombie get a spare body part
Second hand.
Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen
What did the zombie say when she thought the werewolf was keeping secrets?
Spill the zombeans.
What does the zombie say to her zombie crush?
- Are you going to kiss me or rot?
What time do zombies wake up?
At ate o’clock!
What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police?
It was facing grave consequences.
What is black, white and dead all over?
A zombie in a tuxedo.
Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
What do you call a zombie in pajamas?
The sleepwalking dead.
Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up.
She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
What do you call an undead bee?
A zom-bee.
What is the highest compliment a zombie can receive?
- Wow, you're in Grave condition!
Why did the zombie go crazy?
He had lost his mind.
What part of the military do zombies serve in?
The marine corpse.
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
Why did the zombie take a sick day?
She had cold symp-tombs.
The zombie's had some bad news.
He's looking very grave.
What do you call a one-inch zombie?
Tomb thumb!
Why didn’t the zombie stay in town?
There was a new head strong sherif in town!
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
What do zombies call a battle between classical music composers where one of them loses their mind?
A de-Bach-le.
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
Why can't the zombie get a job?
They all want someone more lively.
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
How do you know if you are dealing with a smart zombie?
They are wearing helmets!
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
What do zombies say before a fight?
- Do you want a piece of me?
What did the mummy say to the zombie?
- Stop ragging on me!
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
Why did the zombie go to the doctor?
Because of his coffin.
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
The zombie worked for years to win this prize. He showed real dead-ication.
What streets do zombies live on?
Dead ends.
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