What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
What do you call a one-inch zombie?
Tomb thumb!
What do you call a dog that comes back from the dead?
A zom-beagle.
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
Why was the zombie so grumpy?
He woke up on the wrong side of the dead.
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce?
- Give me your heads!!
What do zombies say before a fight?
- Do you want a piece of me?
What do you call a bunch of zombie chickens?
The Bu-gawking Dead
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
A dead-y bear.
What do you call a herd of undead llamas?
The zombie alpacalypse.
What do you call a zombie driving a Ferrari?
A zoombie.
What is black, white and dead all over?
A zombie in a tuxedo.
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
Why do some zombies only eat the rich?
They are in the mood for something gore-met.
What time do zombies wake up?
At ate o’clock!
What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?
A mom-ster.
What does the zombie say to her zombie crush?
- Are you going to kiss me or rot?
Spent the whole day running around dressed as a zombie. I’m dead on my feet.
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
What did the zombie pour on her dinner?
Grave-y.
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
Where's the safest place to be in the zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
The zombie's had some bad news.
He's looking very grave.
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
Why did the zombie eat a light bulb?
Because he wanted a light snack.
Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up.
She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night?
All they hear is groans.
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
What do you call a zombie who stir-fries?
Dead Man Wokking
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
What did the mummy say to the zombie?
- Stop ragging on me!
Where do zombies go sailing?
Lake Eerie.
Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
Where do zombies go for beach holidays?
The Dead Sea.
What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.
What streets do zombies live on?
Dead ends.
What advice would you hear from a zombie?
- Never put your eggs into one casket.
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
Where does a zombie get a spare body part
Second hand.
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
What is a zombie’s favorite shampoo?
Head & Shoulders.
The zombie had had a really long day at work.
She was dead tired.
Why can't the zombie get a job?
They all want someone more lively.
What cars do zombies drive?
Monster trucks.
The zombie worked for years to win this prize. He showed real dead-ication.
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
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