What cars do zombies drive?
Monster trucks.
What do you call a row of zombies?
A deadline.
Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
He had no leg to stand on!
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
Why didn’t the zombie stay in town?
There was a new head strong sherif in town!
What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse?
- It’s been a living hell with you guys around.
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
What do zombies eat for dessert?
Eyes cream.
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
What did the zombie pour on her dinner?
Grave-y.
Where does a zombie get a spare body part
Second hand.
Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
What do you call a zombie DJ?
A dead beat.
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
What did the zombie say when she fell out with her vampire friend?
- You're dead to me!
Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night?
All they hear is groans.
Did you hear about the zombie after-school club?
It's dead in that place.
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
Why do some zombies only eat the rich?
They are in the mood for something gore-met.
What do you call a zombie who stir-fries?
Dead Man Wokking
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
What advice would you hear from a zombie?
- Never put your eggs into one casket.
What do you call a herd of undead llamas?
The zombie alpacalypse.
What did the zombie bank robber say to the cops?
- You'll never take me alive.
What's a zombie's least favorite quiz question?
A no-brainer.
What is black, white and dead all over?
A zombie in a tuxedo.
What is the highest compliment a zombie can receive?
- Wow, you're in Grave condition!
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.
How do you know if you are dealing with a smart zombie?
They are wearing helmets!
Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
Did you hear about the zombie who was expelled from school?
He kept buttering up his teacher!
Why did the zombie eat a light bulb?
Because he wanted a light snack.
The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions.
They're horror-scopes.
What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?
A mom-ster.
The zombie had had a really long day at work.
She was dead tired.
Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
They just love a woman with brains.
What part of the military do zombies serve in?
The marine corpse.
What do you call a one-inch zombie?
Tomb thumb!
I walked past Mozart's grave.
He was sitting up, shouting "Braaiinnss" and ripping up all his music.
I guess he's a decomposer now.
Where do zombies go for beach holidays?
The Dead Sea.
The zombie's had some bad news.
He's looking very grave.
What is a zombie’s favorite shampoo?
Head & Shoulders.
What do you call an undead bee?
A zom-bee.
What do zombies say before a fight?
- Do you want a piece of me?
Why can't the zombie get a job?
They all want someone more lively.
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