What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
Where's the safest place to be in the zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
Where do zombies go sailing?
Lake Eerie.
What time do zombies wake up?
At ate o’clock!
What did the zombie bank robber say to the cops?
- You'll never take me alive.
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
What is a zombie's favorite kind of weather?
Brainstorms.
Where does a zombie get a spare body part
Second hand.
What part of the military do zombies serve in?
The marine corpse.
Why did the zombie eat a light bulb?
Because he wanted a light snack.
What did the zombie say when she fell out with her vampire friend?
- You're dead to me!
What do you call a row of zombies?
A deadline.
What do you call a bunch of zombie chickens?
The Bu-gawking Dead
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
What cars do zombies drive?
Monster trucks.
What do zombies say before a fight?
- Do you want a piece of me?
Why do some zombies only eat the rich?
They are in the mood for something gore-met.
Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
What is a zombie that speaks two languages?
Zombilingual.
Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?
A mom-ster.
What do zombies eat for dessert?
Eyes cream.
Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
They just love a woman with brains.
The zombie worked for years to win this prize. He showed real dead-ication.
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce?
- Give me your heads!!
What does it take to become a zombie?
Dead-ication.
Why did the zombie stop teaching?
He only had one pupil!
What streets do zombies live on?
Dead ends.
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
What did the mummy say to the zombie?
- Stop ragging on me!
What do you call a herd of undead llamas?
The zombie alpacalypse.
What do you call a zombie driving a Ferrari?
A zoombie.
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
How do you know if you are dealing with a smart zombie?
They are wearing helmets!
Why was the zombie so grumpy?
He woke up on the wrong side of the dead.
Did you hear about the zombie after-school club?
It's dead in that place.
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
A dead-y bear.
I walked past Mozart's grave.
He was sitting up, shouting "Braaiinnss" and ripping up all his music.
I guess he's a decomposer now.
What did the zombie boss say to the zombie employee?
- Don’t miss the undeadline!
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
Why did the zombie go to the doctor?
Because of his coffin.
The zombie's had some bad news.
He's looking very grave.
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