What do you call a dog that comes back from the dead?
A zom-beagle.
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce?
- Give me your heads!!
What do you call a zombie in pajamas?
The sleepwalking dead.
Why was the zombie so grumpy?
He woke up on the wrong side of the dead.
Where does a zombie get a spare body part
Second hand.
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen
Why did the zombie eat a light bulb?
Because he wanted a light snack.
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
What do zombies eat for dessert?
Eyes cream.
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
What did the zombie say when she thought the werewolf was keeping secrets?
Spill the zombeans.
What do you call a one-inch zombie?
Tomb thumb!
How do you know if you are dealing with a smart zombie?
They are wearing helmets!
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
The zombie's had some bad news.
He's looking very grave.
What time do zombies wake up?
At ate o’clock!
What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse?
- It’s been a living hell with you guys around.
What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police?
It was facing grave consequences.
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
What did the zombie bank robber say to the cops?
- You'll never take me alive.
What advice would you hear from a zombie?
- Never put your eggs into one casket.
What do zombies say before a fight?
- Do you want a piece of me?
What is a zombie that speaks two languages?
Zombilingual.
Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night?
All they hear is groans.
Why did the zombie take a sick day?
She had cold symp-tombs.
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
What did the zombie call the girl he was dating?
His ghoul-friend.
What did the zombie say when she fell out with her vampire friend?
- You're dead to me!
Did you hear about the zombie who was expelled from school?
He kept buttering up his teacher!
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
What do you call a row of zombies?
A deadline.
What did the zombie boss say to the zombie employee?
- Don’t miss the undeadline!
Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions.
They're horror-scopes.
Why didn’t the zombie stay in town?
There was a new head strong sherif in town!
What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
What do you call an undead bee?
A zom-bee.
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
Why did the zombie stop teaching?
He only had one pupil!
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
What is a zombie’s favorite shampoo?
Head & Shoulders.
Spent the whole day running around dressed as a zombie. I’m dead on my feet.
What streets do zombies live on?
Dead ends.
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