What do zombies eat for dessert?
Eyes cream.
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police?
It was facing grave consequences.
What does it take to become a zombie?
Dead-ication.
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?
A mom-ster.
Why did the zombie stop teaching?
He only had one pupil!
The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions.
They're horror-scopes.
What did the zombie bank robber say to the cops?
- You'll never take me alive.
What do you call a zombie DJ?
A dead beat.
What advice would you hear from a zombie?
- Never put your eggs into one casket.
What time do zombies wake up?
At ate o’clock!
What did the zombie boss say to the zombie employee?
- Don’t miss the undeadline!
Where do zombies go for beach holidays?
The Dead Sea.
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
A dead-y bear.
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
What do you call a herd of undead llamas?
The zombie alpacalypse.
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
What do you call a dog that comes back from the dead?
A zom-beagle.
What cars do zombies drive?
Monster trucks.
What is a zombie’s favorite shampoo?
Head & Shoulders.
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
Why did the zombie eat a light bulb?
Because he wanted a light snack.
What does the zombie say to her zombie crush?
- Are you going to kiss me or rot?
Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
They just love a woman with brains.
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up.
She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
Did you hear about the zombie who was expelled from school?
He kept buttering up his teacher!
What streets do zombies live on?
Dead ends.
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
Why did the zombie go crazy?
He had lost his mind.
What did the zombie say when she thought the werewolf was keeping secrets?
Spill the zombeans.
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
Why didn’t the zombie stay in town?
There was a new head strong sherif in town!
What do you call a row of zombies?
A deadline.
Where's the safest place to be in the zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.
The zombie worked for years to win this prize. He showed real dead-ication.
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night?
All they hear is groans.
What kind of potatoes do zombies like?
Monster mash.
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.
Spent the whole day running around dressed as a zombie. I’m dead on my feet.
What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse?
- It’s been a living hell with you guys around.
How do zombies introduce themselves?
- Pleased to eat you.
Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
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