"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
Why was the zombie so grumpy?
He woke up on the wrong side of the dead.
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
A dead-y bear.
Why did the zombie take a sick day?
She had cold symp-tombs.
Spent the whole day running around dressed as a zombie. I’m dead on my feet.
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
What did the zombie bank robber say to the cops?
- You'll never take me alive.
What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.
Where's the safest place to be in the zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
Why did the zombie eat a light bulb?
Because he wanted a light snack.
I walked past Mozart's grave.
He was sitting up, shouting "Braaiinnss" and ripping up all his music.
I guess he's a decomposer now.
Why did the zombie stop teaching?
He only had one pupil!
What do you call a row of zombies?
A deadline.
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce?
- Give me your heads!!
What time do zombies wake up?
At ate o’clock!
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.
What do zombies call a battle between classical music composers where one of them loses their mind?
A de-Bach-le.
What do you call a herd of undead llamas?
The zombie alpacalypse.
What did the zombie say when she thought the werewolf was keeping secrets?
Spill the zombeans.
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night?
All they hear is groans.
What do you call a one-inch zombie?
Tomb thumb!
Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen
What does the zombie say to her zombie crush?
- Are you going to kiss me or rot?
What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police?
It was facing grave consequences.
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
What part of the military do zombies serve in?
The marine corpse.
Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
He had no leg to stand on!
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
What kind of potatoes do zombies like?
Monster mash.
What do you call a zombie DJ?
A dead beat.
Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
What cars do zombies drive?
Monster trucks.
What do zombies say before a fight?
- Do you want a piece of me?
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up.
She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
What do you call an undead bee?
A zom-bee.
What do you call a bunch of zombie chickens?
The Bu-gawking Dead
What does it take to become a zombie?
Dead-ication.
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
Why didn’t the zombie stay in town?
There was a new head strong sherif in town!
What streets do zombies live on?
Dead ends.
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
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