What do you call a dog that comes back from the dead?
A zom-beagle.
What did the mummy say to the zombie?
- Stop ragging on me!
Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions.
They're horror-scopes.
Did you hear about the zombie who was expelled from school?
He kept buttering up his teacher!
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.
What do you call a herd of undead llamas?
The zombie alpacalypse.
What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?
A mom-ster.
What did the zombie bank robber say to the cops?
- You'll never take me alive.
What do you call a zombie in pajamas?
The sleepwalking dead.
Why can't the zombie get a job?
They all want someone more lively.
What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse?
- It’s been a living hell with you guys around.
What did the zombie pour on her dinner?
Grave-y.
Where's the safest place to be in the zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
Where do zombies go for beach holidays?
The Dead Sea.
What does it take to become a zombie?
Dead-ication.
Where do zombies go sailing?
Lake Eerie.
Why didn’t the zombie stay in town?
There was a new head strong sherif in town!
What part of the military do zombies serve in?
The marine corpse.
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
How do zombies introduce themselves?
- Pleased to eat you.
Why did the zombie eat a light bulb?
Because he wanted a light snack.
Did you hear about the zombie after-school club?
It's dead in that place.
What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
What kind of potatoes do zombies like?
Monster mash.
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
What do you call a one-inch zombie?
Tomb thumb!
What did the zombie say when she thought the werewolf was keeping secrets?
Spill the zombeans.
Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
What's a zombie's least favorite quiz question?
A no-brainer.
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
What cars do zombies drive?
Monster trucks.
What do you call a zombie DJ?
A dead beat.
I walked past Mozart's grave.
He was sitting up, shouting "Braaiinnss" and ripping up all his music.
I guess he's a decomposer now.
Why did the zombie stop teaching?
He only had one pupil!
What is a zombie that speaks two languages?
Zombilingual.
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
What do you call a zombie who stir-fries?
Dead Man Wokking
What do you call a row of zombies?
A deadline.
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up.
She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!