What time do zombies wake up?
At ate o’clock!
What is the highest compliment a zombie can receive?
- Wow, you're in Grave condition!
What did the zombie call the girl he was dating?
His ghoul-friend.
How do zombies introduce themselves?
- Pleased to eat you.
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
What is black, white and dead all over?
A zombie in a tuxedo.
Why did the zombie take a sick day?
She had cold symp-tombs.
Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night?
All they hear is groans.
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
What do you call an undead bee?
A zom-bee.
Did you hear about the zombie who was expelled from school?
He kept buttering up his teacher!
Did you hear about the zombie after-school club?
It's dead in that place.
Why did the zombie go crazy?
He had lost his mind.
What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?
A mom-ster.
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
What does it take to become a zombie?
Dead-ication.
Why did the zombie eat a light bulb?
Because he wanted a light snack.
Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen
Spent the whole day running around dressed as a zombie. I’m dead on my feet.
Why can't the zombie get a job?
They all want someone more lively.
What kind of potatoes do zombies like?
Monster mash.
How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!
What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police?
It was facing grave consequences.
The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions.
They're horror-scopes.
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
What do you call a zombie in pajamas?
The sleepwalking dead.
What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse?
- It’s been a living hell with you guys around.
Where do zombies go sailing?
Lake Eerie.
What is a zombie’s favorite shampoo?
Head & Shoulders.
What do you call a herd of undead llamas?
The zombie alpacalypse.
What do you call a row of zombies?
A deadline.
What did the zombie say when she fell out with her vampire friend?
- You're dead to me!
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
What did the mummy say to the zombie?
- Stop ragging on me!
Where does a zombie get a spare body part
Second hand.
What does the zombie say to her zombie crush?
- Are you going to kiss me or rot?
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
I walked past Mozart's grave.
He was sitting up, shouting "Braaiinnss" and ripping up all his music.
I guess he's a decomposer now.
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
What streets do zombies live on?
Dead ends.
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
A dead-y bear.
What cars do zombies drive?
Monster trucks.
What did the zombie say when she thought the werewolf was keeping secrets?
Spill the zombeans.
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.
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