How do you know if you are dealing with a smart zombie?
They are wearing helmets!
Why do some zombies only eat the rich?
They are in the mood for something gore-met.
What do you call a herd of undead llamas?
The zombie alpacalypse.
The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions.
They're horror-scopes.
Why did the zombie take a sick day?
She had cold symp-tombs.
What time do zombies wake up?
At ate o’clock!
Spent the whole day running around dressed as a zombie. I’m dead on my feet.
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
A dead-y bear.
What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?
A mom-ster.
Why was the zombie so grumpy?
He woke up on the wrong side of the dead.
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
What do you call a zombie driving a Ferrari?
A zoombie.
What do you call a bunch of zombie chickens?
The Bu-gawking Dead
What streets do zombies live on?
Dead ends.
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
They just love a woman with brains.
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse?
- It’s been a living hell with you guys around.
What did the zombie call the girl he was dating?
His ghoul-friend.
Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
He had no leg to stand on!
Why didn’t the zombie stay in town?
There was a new head strong sherif in town!
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
What do zombies say before a fight?
- Do you want a piece of me?
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
What does the zombie say to her zombie crush?
- Are you going to kiss me or rot?
The zombie had had a really long day at work.
She was dead tired.
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!
What do you call a zombie who stir-fries?
Dead Man Wokking
What's a zombie's least favorite quiz question?
A no-brainer.
Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night?
All they hear is groans.
Why did the zombie eat a light bulb?
Because he wanted a light snack.
What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police?
It was facing grave consequences.
Why did the zombie stop teaching?
He only had one pupil!
What did the zombie bank robber say to the cops?
- You'll never take me alive.
Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen
Why did the zombie go crazy?
He had lost his mind.
Why did the zombie go to the doctor?
Because of his coffin.
Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up.
She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
I walked past Mozart's grave.
He was sitting up, shouting "Braaiinnss" and ripping up all his music.
I guess he's a decomposer now.
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce?
- Give me your heads!!
What did the zombie boss say to the zombie employee?
- Don’t miss the undeadline!
Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.