What do you call a weather man that destroys dinosaurs?
A meteorologist
It was hot today and when I went outside I saw there was a line of guys standing outside the hairdressers. I thought to myself, "Such a lovely day to have a barber queue".
I'm feeling exceptionally alone in this cold weather. It's probably because I'm completely ice-olated.
What goes hiss, swish, hiss swish every time it rains? A windscreen viper.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Butter
Butter who?
Butter get an umbrella, it looks like it's going to rain!
Why was fog kicked off the football team? He mist a field goal.
Everyone said the wind was powerful. So, I went outside and was blown away.
RIP boiled water.
You will be mist.
There was news of a snowstorm. It arrived white on time.
Q: What's a tornado's favorite game?
A: Twister
There was a television channel ran by pets, the weather forecast was on and inclement weather was being predicted...
High chance of it raining cats and dogs, howling winds, and a possible purricane.
Humpty Dumpty had a terrible summer, but he sure had a great fall.
Q: What did the leaf say to the wind?
A: You really blew me away.
When can your cup of coffee tell the weather?
When it's muggy.
What is fog's favorite drink? Mountain Dew
What is known as the world's wettest animal? Rain-deer.
What words do windmills live by? One good turn deserves another!
When can 3 elephants stand under 1 umbrella and not get wet?
When it’s not raining.
A guy just walked into my store and bought a bunch of fog machines so I called the cops.
He must belong to an extreme mist organization.
Q: What’s the fastest way to make a skeleton?
A: Put a leper in a wind tunnel
What did one raindrop say to the other raindrop?
“My plop is bigger than your plop.”
What happens before it rains candy? It sprinkles.
A little boy asks his dad, “Why is it raining? Is the sky sad?”
The dad replies, “Yes, son, the sky is pretty blue.”
How does one raindrop ask another out? Water you doing tonight?
Why are people in big cities in Spain always dry?
Because the rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain.
What does a ghost wear when it’s raining outside?
Boooooooooooots.
Who does their best work when they're under the weather?
Meteorologists.
With the kind of weather, it was almost certain that the bride-to-be would get a hoarse throat as she walked through the rain into her bridal shower.
Yesterday’s weather forecast predicted freezing rain. However, it turned out to be quite an ice day.
What do you call it when two people make a baby in fog?
A mist conception.
I’ve never understood fog machines.
They mystify me to this day.
What does Santa often say to Mrs Claus? Come and look at the rain-dear.
What do books wear on a wet and rainy day? Rain quotes.
It started raining coins outside today.
I guess it’s just climate change.
Q: Why does a hurricane wear a monocle?
A: It has only had one eye!
Why do sailors eat shellfish when rain is forecast?
It’s the clam before the storm.
What do you call dangerous precipitation?
A rain of terror.
I was just telling my friend Michael Rains about my unfortunate allergy to my home-grown barley.
My grains give me migraines, Mike Rains.
Thunderstorms are shrewd investors. They put their money in a combination of frozen and liquid assets.
There's a basic difference between weather and climate: you can't weather a tree, but you can definitely climate.
I'm going to discuss global warming on Sunday at a debate. It's a very heated topic.
Q: Where can a tornado be jailed?
A: In a high pressure cell.
Why did Iron Man sleep outside when it rained?
To get some rust.
What do you call a negative fog?
A pessimist.
What do you call it when you boil a water buffalo?
A mist steak.
What does a spy do in the rain?
He goes undercover.
The queen’s favorite form of precipitation is the reign.
Did you hear about those really bad storms that hit that boy scout camp over night?
They were in tents.
What did the tornado say to the sports car?
Let's go for a spin!
When it was raining yesterday, I saw a man use ketchup and I got quite shocked. It is only later that I learnt he was taking advantage of the raining cats and hot dogs.
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