What do you call a tree with no tinsel, baubles, or topping?
A tree.
Did you hear about the guy who fell in love with a tree? They say he was a tree hugger.
Don’t ask me for any tree puns.
Acacia haven’t noticed I’m all out.
How do you describe an acorn in one sentence? In a nutshell, it is an oak tree.
Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
What flowering plant is an amazing equestrian? The horse chestnut.
How do trees get onto the internet? They just log on.
Why wouldn’t the squirrel collect the oak’s acorns today? She called in sick and then went to the beech.
Why was the dogwood always making bad choices? Because he kept barking up the wrong tree.
Why do trees always hold grudges? Because they never fir-get.
Why don’t trees travel in groups? Because two’s a company, but tree’s a crowd.
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
How do you get down from a tree? You can’t because down comes from ducks.
What types of books do pines read? Poetree books.
Getting my toy drone stuck in the tree isn’t the worst thing that happened to me today.
But it’s definitely up there.
Why were the spruces in a group of three? They like to travel as a tree-o.
What do you see when an elephant hides behind a tree?
The trunks
What type of motorcycle do London Plane trees like to ride? Treeumph.
What do you call a nice tree that does not have any teeth? Sweetgums.
What types of plants do you get after you plant kisses? Tulips.
I fernly beleaf my tree puns are qualitree, you can leaf me alone if you disagreen.
Why was the tree so embarrassed during the winter? After her leaves fell, she felt naked.
What types of stories do giant sequoias love to tell? Tall tales, of course.
Why are trees the best frenemies? They are great at throwing shade.
What did the rock say after it rolled into a tree? Nothing because rocks can’t talk.
Why couldn’t the oak tree make friends? All of the other trees thought that he was a bit shady.
What tree makes fruit that tastes a lot like chicken? Poultree.
Why was the evergreen so lonely in high school? She was always pining to become a part of the poplar kids.
Why are leaves always getting into risky business? They keep having to go out on a limb.
Why are trees so active in politics? They really like grass roots movements.
How the tree introduce themselves to the dentist?
“Implant”
Why was the pine tree always in trouble? It kept being knotty.
What did the nut tree say when his wife left him? I walnut stand for this!
What does a triangle palm like to study in school? Trigonometree.
What do aspens wear to school? A tree-shirt.
What is the tree’s least favorite month of the year? SepTIMBERRRR.
What did the dessert say to the Granny Smith tree?
You’re the apple of my pie.
Why is it always quiet in the forest? Because all of the trees sleep like a dog.
What does the birch like to study in school? Chemistree.
Is it hard to count conifers? It’s as simple as one, two, tree!
Why did the Sugar Maple have to go to the dentist? It really needed a root canal.
Why are trees a popular Christmas decoration? They look good in boughs.
Why do trees always hate taking tests? Because they keep getting stumped by the questions.
What is the trees favorite fruit? Pine-apple.
What did the eskimo say when he chopped down a tree?
Tim-brrr
Did you hear about the bank that wanted to put an ATM up a tree? If it works, they are going to expand the idea to other branches.
Where do birch trees keep their jewelry? In the river bank.
A woman who gave birth in a tree was sent to jail
She was charged with treeson
Can you tell me what type of weeping tree this is? Yes, but you willow me one later.
Why are Christmas trees so clean? They know how to spruce things up.
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