A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
I can't touch my aunt or I will explode.
She's made of auntie matter.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
Professor: "What's a hydraulic ram used for?" "It's where you get steel wool!"
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
Biology - It grows on you.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
Why is a robot engineer never lonely? Because he’s always making new friends.
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
Of course Napolean did not design the coat that he was wearing but we all knew that he had his hand on it.
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium?
He just couldn’t put it down.
How Many Engineers Does It Take to Assemble a Futon?
Three…and a psychologist!
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
Where do Vikings go when they get old?
The Norsing home.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
What happens when you keep reading geology jokes in your free time?
You know that you have really hit rock bottom.
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
A physics student ask his teacher: "Can you point me to someone who can teach me a way in which quantum mechanics can be united with general relativity?"
The teacher answers: "Let me see if I can pull some strings for you."
Do scientists who study the sun have a flare for research?
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