A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
What does a biologist wear when they're going out?
Designer genes.
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
Why did the Archaeopteryx always catch the worm?
Because it was an early bird!
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
I really liked learning about displacement in Physics.
It's pretty straight to the point.
What football team do energy providers root for the most?
The Chargers.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
Got my new blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...
It keeps giving me mixed results.
What did the geologist say when his doctor said he needed a colon exam?
No fracking way!
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium?
He just couldn’t put it down.
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
Biology - It grows on you.
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
Why can't Vikings fans eat cereal? Because they choke before they ever reach the bowl.
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
How do you identify a bald eagle? All his feathers are combed over to one side.
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
One of the historical figures to play music with has got to be the talented Mr. Ben-jam-in Franklin.
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
King Arthur's Round Table was built by Sir Cumference.
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it. A student handed in his work with "The Magna Carta was signed in 1215" written 150 times.
The teacher asked the boy, "Why did you write this?" The boy replied, "Because you always say that history repeats itself!"
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
What do you call a periodic table with gold missing? "Au revoir"
Napoleon may not have designed the coat he wore, but he did have a hand in it.
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
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