How do you tell the difference between boys and girls?
Take their genes down.
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
How did the English major define microtome on his biology exam? An itsy bitsy book.
The only kind of Rock music that the Pilgrims were fond of was Plymouth Rock.
What did the Psychologist tell the geologist? "Every decline is a great Break Through"
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
Physics is like incest.
It’s all relative.
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
When I gave the wrong answer about Austrian composers in class, my teacher said, "Are you Schubert that?"
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
My buddy asked me "if you could kill anyone in history, who would it be?"
I said I probably wouldn't kill anyone in history, but Pete in math is bloody annoying sometimes.
It's getting hard to zinc of new science puns because so many of them argon.
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
What did the structural engineer say to the architect? Nice buttress.
What did the male stamen say to the female pistil? "I like your style."
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
Why was the geologist always depressed?
He had a hard rock life.
What was the Vikings favorite song while invading England ?
Heathen flow by Pearl Jam
Don't send our invitations to a viking themed wedding until the date is set in stone
Or they'll be runed
While teaching about the Mongol Empire in History class, our teacher told us, "If anyone Khan, Genghis Khan."
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
Nobody knows about Napoleon's brother because they were born-apart-e.
What did Sparticus do to the cannibal who ate his nagging wife?
Nothing, he's gladiator.
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
What's the Difference Between Mechanical & Civil Engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons, civil engineers build targets.
My parents always brought me up to believe the sky's the limit.
Which was a shame because I wanted to be an astronaut.
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
Two antennas got married – the wedding was lousy, but the reception was outstanding.
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
Why do anti vaxxers hate vaccine jokes?
They never get them.
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
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