Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
Some people think nuclear physics is interesting.
Well, in my opinion it's really Bohring.
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
People hated Ho Chi Minh because he was Hanoi-ing.
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money?
What do you call a clock on the moon?
A lunartick.
What did the light bulb say to the electric generator? ‘You spark up my life!”
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
What did the nuclear physicist have for lunch?
Fission Chips.
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
What's black, white, purple, yellow and blue? Sugilite, opal, and sardonyx fighting over a gumball.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
When a ship or Vikings suddenly vanishes
There's a disturbance in the Norse
What did Darth Vader tell the geologist?
May the quartz be with you!
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
History teachers are the worst gifters
They always think about the past, not the present.
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
How does a Viking show the amount of raiding and pillaging that they do at the same time?
They use a Sven Diagram.
Of course Napolean did not design the coat that he was wearing but we all knew that he had his hand on it.
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
Why can't Vikings fans eat cereal? Because they choke before they ever reach the bowl.
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
A viking adds symbols to an axe he has just made ...
" Oh no iv runed it"
The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
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