An atom loses an electron...
It says, "man, I really gotta keep an ion them."
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
Water-mole-ns
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
Henry VIII had breathing troubles - he had no heir!
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
Why did the Archaeopteryx always catch the worm?
Because it was an early bird!
Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
Vegetarians in the sixth century were called peasants.
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
The paper my student wrote on Tsar Ivan was so bad, it was tearable.
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
Where do Vikings go when they get old?
The Norsing home.
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
Dolly Parton partially funded Moderna's COVID Vaccine.
It comes in two very large dosey-doses.
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
What did the nuclear physicist have for lunch?
Fission Chips.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
Why are geologists no fun at parties?
They like to be stone-cold sober.
I had a friend who got a Ph.D. in the history of Palindromes. He is now called Dr. Awkward.
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
The cost of the space program is astronomical.
My nerdy friend just got a PhD on the history of palindromes.
We now call him Dr. Awkward.
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
What did one Viking war paint say to the other?
Poly, you're a Thane.
A teacher asks one of their pupils, "Can you describe Napoleon"s origin?"
The pupil replies, "Course I can." (Corsican)
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
My TV hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
When one is Russian for industrialization, there is no time for Stalin.
What stories did Vikings tell their children?
Norsery Rhymes
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
Physics is like incest.
It’s all relative.
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