Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
Why do Geologists go to Lollapalooza? To get their "Rock" On.
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
What do you call a Viking who is really good at basketball?
a Vallhalla Balla.
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
Their middle name.
Professor: "What's a hydraulic ram used for?" "It's where you get steel wool!"
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
Physics is like incest.
It’s all relative.
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
My vaccine dad joke failed.
But it was worth a shot.
Why was the scuba diver failing Biology? Because he was below "C" level.
I have faith in Pfizer and its Covid vaccine, because they also make Viagra.
If Pfizer can raise the dead, it can save the living.
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
What football team do energy providers root for the most?
The Chargers.
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
Last Christmas, I got my sister a build-it-yourself medieval fort. She wasn't very happy with it, but my mother reprimanded her by saying that it isn't the gift, but the fort that counts!
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
People hated Ho Chi Minh because he was Hanoi-ing.
When the History teachers wanted to help out students who were failing the subject privately, they put up a poster on the school bulletin boards that said, "Need Tudoring?"
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
When hydrogen got arrested they told him he had one phone call.
He replied: "Call who? I don't have a family!"
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
What can you find in both medieval English castles and American art museums?
Norman Rock Wells.
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
Go to BabaMail
