Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
What did Darth Vader tell the geologist?
May the quartz be with you!
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
It is no wonder that Thomas Jefferson was thus named, his father was after Jefferdad.
My wife asked me why I was ironing my 4 leaf clover.
I told her I was pressing my luck
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
What do you call doctors who make vaccines for the flu?
Flu-Fighters.
What did the geologist say when his doctor asked him if he was ready for his colonic? No FRACKING way!
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"HeHe."
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
I got a C in Physics and my parents grounded me.
They say I don't understand the gravity of the situation.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
You do not want to know the history behind the railroad because it is so underground.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
I tried to taste the hot light bulb
But I got my tungstenned.
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
When a ship or Vikings suddenly vanishes
There's a disturbance in the Norse
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
What do you call a periodic table with gold missing? "Au revoir"
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
Hitler jokes are rude, Anne Frankly I don't care.
My girlfriend said if I don't stop my obsession with Viking culture she'll fight me to the death.
"Jokes on you," I said. "If I die in battle, I'll go straight to Valhalla."
Where do hippos go to university? Hippocampus.
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
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