Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
He couldn't a fjord a new one.
What did Sparticus do to the cannibal who ate his nagging wife?
Nothing, he's gladiator.
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
England is the wettest country because many monarchs reigned there for many years.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
If George Frederic Handel would be born in the modern era, his favorite song would be "Club Can't Even Handel Me."
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”
A new men's cologne is in development which smells of electric eels shocking a Silicon Valley giant.
Its called Eel-on Musk.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
I keep asking my physics teacher "what is the unit for power?"
But he just saying "Yes."
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
A viking adds symbols to an axe he has just made ...
" Oh no iv runed it"
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
The interesting the about engineering Toilet Paper.
It's an a-ply-ed science.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
Franz Joseph constantly sour about everything because he was always Haydn.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
Why did the engineering students leave class early? They were getting a little ANSI.
What do you call an ironing board that makes your clothes more wrinkly?
An irony board.
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
I gave my wife a lamp for our anniversary.
Someone’s getting LED tonight.
What was the biologist wearing on his first date with a hot chick? Designer jeans.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
What type of flowers does everybody have? two-lips.
What do you call a Viking who is really good at basketball?
a Vallhalla Balla.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
KFC have hired geneticists to edit chicken DNA
Apparently they want something CRISPR.
Even the most intelligent people can’t survive a day without electricity, like Stephen Hawking.
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