Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
Hey why Are The Viruses All Gone? Cause They "flu" AWAY.
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
Did you hear about the viking cannibal?
He had a Swede-tooth.
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
What element is derived from a Norse god? Thorium.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
I was going to start ironing, but I decided it was too depressing.
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
Did you know that geologists are athletic? Yeah, I read it in Quartz illustrated.
Why did George Washington have sleeping problems? Because he is unable to lie.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
Have you heard the fast gladiator that was a tumor covered in dough?
He was a Roamin' Tumor Roll.
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
I really have to force myself to get through this book on friction.
A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!"
"You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!"
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
Henry VIII had breathing troubles - he had no heir!
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
What do you call the leader of a biology gang?
The Nucleboss.
When the Vikings discovered America, what did they name it?
Norse America.
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money?
They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
My buddy asked me "if you could kill anyone in history, who would it be?"
I said I probably wouldn't kill anyone in history, but Pete in math is bloody annoying sometimes.
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
Was Henry VI a ViKing?
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
What happens when you look up geology jokes? You know you've hit rock bottom!
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
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