Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage.
It replied, “No, thanks, I am traveling light.”
Why was Pavlov's hair so soft?
Classical conditioning.
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
What stories did Vikings tell their children?
Norsery Rhymes
According to a geologist, why is the world so diverse? Because it's made up of alkynes of people.
What do you call a detective from the Reformation?
Martin Sleuther.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...
He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.
When my teacher asked me if I knew who built the ark in History class, I answered, "I have Noah idea!"
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Floodlights.
What illness kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
Mole-onucleosis
When the gladiators fought lions
it was always the mane event
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
Because it can't sit down!
Physics is like incest.
It’s all relative.
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
Why is wind power popular? Because it has a lot of fans!”
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
How was the viking party?
Pretty Loki.
A viking adds symbols to an axe he has just made ...
" Oh no iv runed it"
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
The biggest irony in the world's history is that the Russian alphabet has no letters in lowercase. It is all Capitalization.
Why are geologists never hungry?
They lost their apatite.
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
Roman soldiers are trained.
But Vikings are Bjorn.
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
I'll do algebra, I'll do trigonometry, I'll even do statistics...
But graphing is where I draw the line!
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
I'm reading a book about metal fasteners.
Riveting stuff.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
Why do vikings have barcodes on their ships?
Its so they can scan-de-navien
Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!
Why are geologists so good in school?
They take nothing for granite.