Two sodium atoms are walking down the street. Suddenly one says “Oh, my God, I’ve lost an electron!” The other says “Lost an electron! Are you sure?” and the first replies “Yes, I’m positive!”
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
Wanna hear the mountain joke?
nah you won't get over it
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
How do you know the moon is going broke?
It's down to its last quarter.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
What is the most popular console with the vikings?
The axe-box
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
The sun is just a big space heater.
When I asked my History teacher if he knew about Einstein's origin and history, he said, "I am relatively aware of it."
What was the most popular dance move in the colonies in 1776?
Indepen-dance.
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
What is the difference between a geologist and a chemist? A chemist will drink anything that is distilled. A geologist will drink anything that is fermented.
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
My nerdy friend just got a PhD on the history of palindromes.
We now call him Dr. Awkward.
Why did the Vikings sail to England in longboats?
It was too far to swim!
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
What did the electrical engineer say when he got shocked? That hertz.
Gordon Ramsey shouted at Queen Mary because she was burning everything.
Why are Scandinavian women so hot?
The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones.
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
The sweetest and fruitiest historical wonder of the world is the Grape Wall of China.
What do you get if you put kisses in a blender?
A Smoochie.
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
One fundamental lesson our teacher has taught us in History class while talking about the Civil War was never to take victory for Grant-ed.
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
Norwegian archeologists have uncovered the very first Viking parenting book.
The title, translated into modern language, is *It Takes a Pillage*.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!
I passed my degree in sound engineering. I got 1-2-1-2!
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
When a ship or Vikings suddenly vanishes
There's a disturbance in the Norse
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
Marsh-mole-ows
Speed and Velocity are brothers.
Velocity has a family, is rich and teaches classes around the world.
Speed dropped out and still lives with his parents.
They think Speed lacks Direction.
My girlfriend said if I don't stop my obsession with Viking culture she'll fight me to the death.
"Jokes on you," I said. "If I die in battle, I'll go straight to Valhalla."
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
Go to BabaMail
