Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
Ah! The element of surprise.
The yearbook superlative that Robert Lee had given in his graduation was "Most likely to secede."
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
What did the lamps do after their date?
They got turned on.
The First World War ended very quickly because they were Russian.
Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
My TV hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
Good science always checks itself before it wrecks itself.
Two red blood cells met and fell in love, but alas, it was all in vein.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
King Arthur's Round Table was built by Sir Cumference.
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
Heard Russia has the vaccine to Coronavirus. I'm probably not Putin that into my body.
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
You do not want to know the history behind the railroad because it is so underground.
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
History. History. Did I just rewrite history?
Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who traveled in thirty different countries and learned to speak six languages? He was a man of many cultures.
There's now a vaccine to make you better at geometry.
It's called Pythagorean Serum.
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money?
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
Hey kids! I went back in time and formed a British 80s pop group called The Vaccine!
And now The Cure is no longer necessary!
I've been trying to think of an electrical pun but now my head Hertz.
I sit in front if my ex in physics.
There used to be a lot of friction between us.
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium? He just couldn't put it down.
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
Books on helium are so hard to put down.
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