So I cut down a tree using my vision today
It’s true, I SAW it with my own eyes.
What did the beaver tell the tree? It has really been nice gnawing you.
What do trees write on? Loose leaf paper.
My father cooked us mushrooms. Later he asked "Having fun guys"?
What do you call an indoor plant?
An intro-vert
Why are Christmas trees so clean? They know how to spruce things up.
What types of books do pines read? Poetree books.
What did Betula pendula tell her little sister when she was annoyed? Leaf me alone, birch.
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
If your imagination hits peak high and you combine a toadstool and a suitcase, you won’t have mushroom for your vacation clothes.
What did the Jedi tell the sacred tree? May the forest be with you.
Why can’t a Christmas tree sew? It keeps dropping its needles.
How does a mushroom decorate a home? With toadstools.
What did the tree do when it found that the bank had closed? It starts a new branch.
If there was to be a beauty contest bringing together all the beautiful mushrooms on the face of the earth, the porta-bella mushroom would carry the day.
Why didn’t the flower get a second date?
He was garden variety.
Why did the Sugar Maple have to go to the dentist? It really needed a root canal.
Why are trees such great drivers? They always take the shortest root.
What did the tree say when it fell down?
"Call pine one one!"
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
When is a piece of wood made king? when its a ruler
What happens when you blend an artificial waterway with a tree? You get a root canal.
Have you ever heard of mushroom cars? Well, they have an interesting sound which goes line shroom shroom!
What would Jerry McGuire have said if he was a flower?
You had me at hydrangea.
What does the mushroom say to his lover? – “I have so mush-room in my heart for you, baby!”
What did the mushroom request when booking his hotel? A shroom with a view, please!
Are you a cactus?
Because you're a prick
What kind of money snowmen use in the North Pole?
Cold cash!
A woman who gave birth in a tree was sent to jail
She was charged with treeson
Did you hear about the flower who gave an ultimatum to her husband?
She told him once and floral.
Who did Prince Mushroom fall in love with at the royal ball? - Chanterella!
I am still trying to launch beef and cream out of a mushroom cannon. It is not stroganoff.
What do aspens wear to school? A tree-shirt.
What do you call a nice tree that does not have any teeth? Sweetgums.
What did the flower say when he wanted a second chance?
I’ll grow on you.
I was going to try putting a mushroom into my cola. I wanted to be a my cola gist.
What is the same shape and size as a sequoia tree, but weighs nothing at all? The tree’s shadow.
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frost bite.
The plant was tired of being boring.
It has decided to turn over a new leaf.
Mushroom puns are the best for any occasion. They are very portabella.
What did the nut tree say when his wife left him? I walnut stand for this!
Scientists have genetically modified a Venus Fly Trap to have the skin of a cactus
They say its bark is worse than its bite.
Why are trees so silly? All of their puns arboring and acorny.
What did the water plant worker say when their facility flooded?
Dam.
What type of tree can be put inside your hand? A palm tree.
What do you call a tree with no tinsel, baubles, or topping?
A tree.
What is a flower’s favorite Journey song?
Don’t stop be-leafing.
My dad works in a steel plant.
He says it's very riveting.
What do you call a slow skier?
A slopepoke!
What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
Why did the boy keep his trumpet in the freezer?
Because he liked cool music.
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