Dad has a pet snake that eats the grass in his yard.
It's a lawnboa.
The other day a tree asked for my help with kindling a grass route movement.
I said I wood because it's got a lot growing for it.
They told me they were handing out free beef at the beach...
When I arrived I realized it was a bay-con.
Mother always knows best. But when winter comes around, Mother Nature snows best.
Did Texas survive last week's winter storms?
Burrrrrrrrrrrrrrly.
When something evolves, it becomes a fork of nature.
Diving into shallow water could lead to jumping to wrong conclusions.
Want to hear a joke about weather?
Actually, never mind. I'll just save it for a rainy day.
Where does a snowman keep his money?
In a snow bank.
Why do poets always write about the sea?
They just can’t fathom her depths.
What do you say to a flower after a breakup?
Get clover it.
Today isn’t the day to be making jokes about the weather.
It’s snow joke.
Whale, hello there.
How many lips does a flower have?
Tulips.
What do you call it when two people make a baby in fog?
A mist conception.
The feds were on a global hunt for a cow who was known to hide behind foliage. They finally located her in Moss-cow.
What did the dessert say to the Granny Smith tree?
You’re the apple of my pie.
Which weighs less; butane, gasoline or water?
Butane, because it's lighter fluid.
Did you hear about the bank that wanted to put an ATM up a tree? If it works, they are going to expand the idea to other branches.
What type of motorcycle do London Plane trees like to ride? Treeumph.
Did you hear about the lazy flower who finally got his act together?
He just needed a kick in the bud.
Why are you bringing me to this mountain river after our couple therapy session?!
Our therapist said I need to valley date you.
I got lost in the mist today.
I didn’t have the foggiest idea where I was.
Does anyone remember the joke about the sodium deposits? Na.
Where do naughty rainbows go?
Prism
Did you hear about the big company that made syrup from contaminated trees? They maple their syrup from the shelves.
I sang the rainbow song to a cop yesterday.
They arrested me for colorful language.
Why did the girl walk into the ice cream store with an umbrella?
She heard there were going to be sprinkles
What did the beaver say when it saw it's home on fire?
Hot Dam!
Why did the leaf go to the doctor?
It was feeling green
Why is the ocean so salty?
Because the land never waves back.
Had a great weekend. Won the annual weather forecaster's championships!
I beat the raining champion.
I couldn't go out because of the blizzard. So I had to eat storm-ed buns for dinner.
Why are geologists great dates?
They can make your bedrock.
What type of tree can be put inside your hand? A palm tree.
You can bet on firemen at the beach.
It's a shore-fire thing.
What did one raindrop say to the other? Two's company, three's a cloud.
Why did the leaf go to the doctor? It was feeling green!
What do you call it when you get a month’s worth of rain at once?
England.
Why was the dogwood always making bad choices? Because he kept barking up the wrong tree.
What did the ocean say when asked if he wanted to be friends with the beach?
“Shore!”
Where do rocks like to sleep? In bedrocks!
I was at a bar and heard a band playing a Queen cover. I asked them what the name of their band was. They are called the Champignons my friend.
Are you addicted to the ocean and ocean life?
If you are, sea kelp
My grand father always said "fight Fire with Fire".
He was a great man but a terrible Fireman
What did the metamorphic rock say during the test?
This is too much pressure!
Wanna know what I said when I got hit by a water gun?
H2Oww
What do you call it when it rains ducks and geese?
Fowl weather.
What do you call a Mongolian leader who got struck by lightning
Shocka Khan.
How did the old man walk his way out of the storm so fast?
Because, he had a hurry cane.
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