What did the snowman and his wife put over their baby’s crib?
A snowmobile!
When you look at the sky and see the moon
You're looking at a subtle light
I recently got offered a job studying fog but I turned it down.
Looking back, I now think it was a mist opportunity.
What did the egg say to the boiling water?
I might have some trouble getting hard, I just got laid this morning!
I got fired from the unemployment office on Friday.
My boss said, “Clean out your desk, and I’ll see you in the office on Monday.”
What did the chicken do when his shop caught on fire?
He egg-xited..
What do you call it when it rains ducks and geese?
Fowl weather.
What's the wind's favourite colour?
Blew
Did you hear about the flower who gave an ultimatum to her husband?
She told him once and floral.
I was thinking about using a mushroom to poison someone. My morel stopped me.
What is the favorite Mexican food of snowman?
Brrrr – itos.
I just got my degree in Sky Diving.
I had to drop out to graduate.
What’s worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
Scientists have genetically modified a Venus Fly Trap to have the skin of a cactus
They say its bark is worse than its bite.
Why is the ocean always blue?
Because the shore never waves back.
I just got fired from my job at the keyboard factory.
They told me I wasn't putting in enough shifts.
What do trees write on? Loose leaf paper.
Lightning never strikes coffee in its bean form.
Only when it's ground.
What is Jack Frost’s favourite mode of transport?
A Tr-Ice-cycle
What clothes do rainbows wear? Thunderpants.
Why did the tectonic plates break up? It wasn’t her fault, but there was just too much friction between them.
What is the trees favorite fruit? Pine-apple.
I stole fire from the gods.
But I couldn't fence it. It was too hot.
What types of plants do you get after you plant kisses? Tulips.
What did the baby cloud say to its mum when it rained? Sorry, mum, I couldn't hold it any longer.
In the mushroom bus, one mushroom said to the other, "Please scoot over, there is not mush room."
How was the misbehaving lightning bolt punished?
He was grounded.
What do you get from sitting on the snow too long?
Polaroids!
Went camping last night. It was in-tents.
I tried to make it to the end of the rainbow but didn't due to lilac of effort.
You want to hear the best rock puns? Give me a moment and I’ll dig something up.
Why is the world so diverse? Because it contains alkynes of people.
Why does the mermaid wear seashells?
Because she grew out of her B-shells.
To everyone in the Christmas Tree industry
You all do a great job! Stand up and take a bough!
What is at the end of a rainbow?
The letter W.
How do you keep the snow from giving you cold feet?
Don’t go around BRRfooted!
A red ship and a blue ship collided in the ocean.
Apparently the survivors are marooned.
Guess what I do when my ice house falls apart.
Igloo it back together!
Why are trees the best frenemies? They are great at throwing shade.
My son and I went camping yesterday and when he asked me how to start a campfire, I explained, "You can start a fire by rubbing two sticks together, but make sure they’re the same..."
"Then you’ll have a match."
Two rocks at the bottom of a mountain. First rock: Avalanche!
Second rock: Ha! I'm not gonna fall for that again!
What do you call it when you get a month’s worth of rain at once?
England.
Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach?
Because they might peel.
Where do water droplets go to settle arguments?
The Supreme Quart.
When is Monday coming?
MonSoon!
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
There was a terrible fire at the shoe factory today...
Over a million soles were lost.
There was a television channel ran by pets, the weather forecast was on and inclement weather was being predicted...
High chance of it raining cats and dogs, howling winds, and a possible purricane.
What’s the scariest plant?
BamBoo.
I never knew how lightning worked
Thats until it finally struck me.
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