How does the weather tie its shoes? Witha rainbow!
Checked into a hotel and was offered the black & white or the rainbow room. I chose the rainbow one as I like a room with a hue.
What is the difference between a wet day and a lion with a toothache? A wet day is pouring with rain, the other is roaring with pain.
If your boat turns upside down in the river, you can wear it on your head because it's capsized.
Salty but sweet.
The science teacher decided to take her class out on a field trip to the mountains because all the kids in her class desperately needed higher grades.
I need to apologize to my fellow Californians for all the recent forest fires.
Apparently I'm the only one that could've prevented them
Why are plants the best chefs?
They’re succulent.
What did the water plant worker say when their facility flooded?
Dam.
What happened when the snowgirl had a fight with the snowboy?
She gave him the cold shoulder.
Did Texas survive last week's winter storms?
Burrrrrrrrrrrrrrly.
Shell yeah.
Iron Man's favourite Xmas gifts this year were socks that fire from his feet.
He called them missile toes.
How do you make holy water?
Make sure to boil the hell out of it.
What's a flowing water with living organisms called?
A livestream.
When Smokey died in a forest fire, how did his body get to the cemetery ?
Pallbears.
Why was the man using ketchup during the rain?
Someone said it was raining cats and hot dogs.
There's snow place like the mountains in winter.
As the storm was brewing, the madman raised his hands and cried, "Hail Storms! Long may they rain!"
I asked the land beside the ocean if he was certain he wasn't beach.
But he was pretty shore.
What did the cloud say to the rainbow? Thank you for adding color to my day.
What do you call an Eskimo cow?
An Eskimoo!
What element comes from Norse mythology? Thorium.
What do baleen whales call a hook-up?
Netflix and krill.
What do you call a Mongolian leader who got struck by lightning
Shocka Khan.
Why did the toddler chew on pebbles? He wanted to eat rock candy.
What did the fish say when it ran into the wall?
Dam.
The coffee shop kept samples of burnt coffee as evidence to fire their roaster.
It was used as grounds for dismissal.
Don’t ask me for any tree puns.
Acacia haven’t noticed I’m all out.
What happened to the wooden car with a wooden engine and wheels? It wooden go at all.
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker
Today I helped father-in-law to fix his plants
it was very grounding.
If you live in an igloo made of snow, what’s the worst thing about global warming?
No privacy!
What did the tornado say to the washing machine?
Want to go for a spin?
There's a basic difference between weather and climate: you can't weather a tree, but you can definitely climate.
There are two reasons why you should never drink toilet water.
Number one. And number two.
What side of the tree contains the most leaves? The outside, of course.
What did the egg say to the boiling water?
I might have some trouble getting hard, I just got laid this morning!
The stormy weather affected my ability to remember my alphabets. I remember A, B, C, D, and F but I misty.
How did the pines and firs end their war? With a tree-ty.
Did you hear about the lazy flower who finally got his act together?
He just needed a kick in the bud.
There’s two balloons in the desert. One says look out for that cactus!
The other goes What Cactussssss...
What drug is illegal in the ocean
Sea weed
What’s an ig?
A snow house without a loo!
Why do skeletons hate how wind feels? Because it goes right through them!
What did the teacher say when he sent the naughty student out of the (mush)room? - You’re in big truffle young man!
What is a mountains favorite type of candy?
Snow caps.
How did the hipster drown?
He ice-skated before it was cool.
What does a dolphin say when he’s confused?
Can you please be more Pacific?
What type of baseball player gives out all the water?
The Pitcher.