What did the retired pirate say when he went to the beach?
Long time no sea.
What did the pigeon say after being struck by lightning?
Not coo.
What did you call an awesome geologist? A rockstar!
Did you hear about the soldier who got struck by lightning?
He had to be honorably discharged.
We got the news of a coming flood today. The news was leaked.
Why was the Blonde fired from the M&M factory?
She kept throwing away the W's.
My dad used to say "the sky's the limit"
Which is probably why he got fired from his job at N.A.S.A.
What did the Christmas tree tell his crush? I pine for you.
I’m going to start a YouTube channel where I critique bottled water...
It’s an untapped market.
What sort of cakes do snowmen like?
The ones with thick icing!
What happens to romantic trees on Valentine’s Day? They get all sappy.
I really hate rock puns.
My sediments exactly.
Why do sharks only swim in salt water?
Because pepper always makes them sneeze.
What is the same shape and size as a sequoia tree, but weighs nothing at all? The tree’s shadow.
Q: How do clouds keep in touch with each other?
A: Using sky-pe.
Q: Why is it so windy in England?
A: Because Harry Kane (hurricane) lives there..
It's really easy to learn white water kayaking
You just go with the flow.
Why should you never expect perfection from geologists?
Because they all have their faults.
Yesterday’s weather forecast predicted freezing rain. However, it turned out to be quite an ice day.
What did the fish say when it ran into the wall?
Dam.
The bartender asks one of The Beach Boys what they’d like, so he looks back to his friends
“Get a round?” “Round?” “Round?” “I’ll get a round!”
Why is it impossible to have a balanced conversation with a female mushroom? - Because shiitake too much!
I asked the land beside the ocean if he was certain he wasn't beach.
But he was pretty shore.
You can't blame anyone if you fall in your driveway due to snowy weather...
Because that's your own asphalt.
I had a dream the ocean was filled with orange soda
It was a Fanta sea.
What do you say when you want a flower to drive faster?
Floret.
What is a blue whale’s favourite James Bond Film?
Licence to Krill.
When finally the encyclopedia on mushrooms was out, it was given the title ‘A Fungi-de to the Mushrooms’.
What is fog's favorite drink? Mountain Dew
The coffee shop kept samples of burnt coffee as evidence to fire their roaster.
It was used as grounds for dismissal.
A man went to the gym today and met up with his new personal rainer.
Q: Why does it smell bad when you destroy fans?
A: Because you’re breaking wind.
Q: Why did the little clouds idolize the big cloud?
A: Because he was the raining champion.
Over the years, my neighbour has buried his deceased pets in his backyard, and to his surprise, a plant has sprung up.
It's a Cemer Tree.
Why did the worm cross the ruler?
To become an inchworm
He was going to sleep in a bucket of ice.
But then he got cold feet.
What’s a bigamist?
It’s what Italians call a thick fog.
A red ship and a blue ship collided in the ocean.
Apparently the survivors are marooned.
How does a Snowman get to work?
By icicle.
What type of pants do rain clouds wear? Thunderwear.
There was once a jolly happy mountain that offered fantastic advice to a grumpy hill. "Change your altitude", he said!
Why are small dried up river beds so cool? Because they're ex-stream.
If you drop your white shirt in the Red Sea, what will it become?
Wet
What did the ground say to the earthquake? You crack me up!
What did the cloud say to the rainbow? Thank you for adding color to my day.
Q: How do you stop newspapers from flying away on windy days?
A: Use a news anchor!
Tropic like it's hot.
I was going to tell a joke about the natural disaster in the Indian Ocean
But it was too Tsunami.
The stormy weather affected my ability to remember my alphabets. I remember A, B, C, D, and F but I misty.
Why are dogwood trees amazing pets? They have a great bark and a wooden bite.
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