Why didn't the hipster swim in the river? It was too mainstream.
Q: Why is there so much wind inside a sports arena?
A: Because of all the fans.
How can you tell that the ocean is friendly? It waves!
What did Sherlock Holmes say to Watson when he noticed sandstone deposits on the river bank? "It's sedimentary, my dear Watson."
RIP boiled water.
You will be mist.
Shell yeah.
Did you hear about the mother who gave birth to her baby while she was in the sky?
I guess you can say the baby was airborne
What is a mountains favorite type of candy?
Snow caps.
What type of tree can be put inside your hand? A palm tree.
Why did the banana tree have to make a doctor’s appointment during the hurricane? Her fruit was peeling under the weather.
The worst thing about living next door to a good gardener is that the grass is always greener on the other side.
A red ship and a blue ship collided in the ocean.
Apparently the survivors are marooned.
What did the sarcastic otter say?
I think you’ve confused me with someone who builds a dam.
My parents always told me I can be anything I wanted, the sky's the limit
This made me sad because I wanted to be an astronaut.
What did the Christmas tree tell his crush? I pine for you.
The fungi turned down seconds at dinner because he never had mushroom.
Why did the forest ranger never put their tent between fires
because if they did the tents would be in a across fire
Watson: Sherlock, what type of rock is this amazing specimen?
Holmes: It’s sedimentary, my dear Watson.
Where do fish keep their money? In river banks.
When a mountain falls sick, it tells the doctor that he's feeling really very, very hill.
What would Jerry McGuire have said if he was a flower?
You had me at hydrangea.
What did the tree do when it found that the bank had closed? It starts a new branch.
What flowering plant is an amazing equestrian? The horse chestnut.
When it was raining yesterday, I saw a man use ketchup and I got quite shocked. It is only later that I learnt he was taking advantage of the raining cats and hot dogs.
What do you call a tooth in a glass full of water?
A one molar solution.
Why did the fisherman suddenly redirect his boat?
Just for the halibut.
What always goes up whenever the rain comes down? An umbrella.
Solving problems in the mountains is easy. It really Alps to clear your head.
What did the flower say when her son went off to college?
I be-leaf in you.
What's the fastest thing on the river bed?
A motor-pike and side-carp.
Why do trees like to watch Star Trek? They really relate to the Captain’s log.
I'm feeling exceptionally alone in this cold weather. It's probably because I'm completely ice-olated.
What was the worst crime in the tree kingdom? Tree-son.
What is the same shape and size as a sequoia tree, but weighs nothing at all? The tree’s shadow.
How does Santa look after the grass on his three gardens? Ho, ho ho.
What does Santa often say to Mrs Claus? Come and look at the rain-dear.
What do you call a waffle laying on a beach?
Sandy eggo.
Today a large tree suddenly fell over right in front of me.
I was stumped.
I need to apologize to my fellow Californians for all the recent forest fires.
Apparently I'm the only one that could've prevented them
How do you get into the mush-room? Ring the porta-bella.
My wife was watching me do some DIY and she said I hammer like lightning.
I never strike in the same place twice.
Even during thunderstorms, Santa can still deliver presents because raindeers fly his sleigh.
What do you call an old snowman? A creek.
How does a bee travel to a tree? They get on the buzz.
Why was fog kicked off the football team? He mist a field goal.
How did the fire ant feel after the rain storm flooded his home?
Very put out, indeed!
I was hiking yesterday, when I suddenly ran in to a cougar....
Almost made me puma pants!
Why is it impossible to have a balanced conversation with a female mushroom? - Because shiitake too much!
Why do trees have to drink responsibly? Otherwise, they become a bunch of trunk idiots.
What's the name of the funniest mountain range in the world? The Himhilarious.
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