When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
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