What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
What does a witch get if she crosses a black cat and a lemon?
A sour puss.
What is a zombie that speaks two languages?
Zombilingual.
What is Frankenstein’s favorite cheese?
Muenster.
What kind of hats does the skeleton baseball league wear?
Skullcaps.
What do bats say to vampires?
“You suck!”
What do witches put on their hair? Scare spray.
What is Frankenstein’s favorite cheese?
Muenster.
What is the fear of giants called?
Fee-fi-phobia
The mom to the naughty vampire said to him, “Watch your battitude, that is not how you talk to your elders.”
What is a vampire’s favorite sport?
Casketball.
Has the abominable snowman called?
Not Yeti.
What’s a werewolf’s favorite nighttime story?
A hairy tail!
The vampire decided to eat a throat lozenge. It was the only thing he could think of to stop his coffin fit.
Stealthy minotaurs are always camooflauged.
What do you get if you cross a witch with a werewolf?
A mad dog that chases airplanes!
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?
A fur coat that fangs around your neck.
Frankenstein's monster and the bride of Frankenstein sit down for dinner
Bride: How come you never help with the dinner
Frankenstein: I did
Bride: How?
Frankenstein: I did the mash...
Bride: Don't you dare
What did mother werewolf say to the naughty boy werewolf?
- We're werewolves, not swear-wolves.
What kind of birds do skeletons like?
Sea skulls.
What do you get when you cross a strict school teacher with a vampire?
Lots of blood tests.
What kind of vehicle does Bigfoot drive?
A big toe-truck.
What type of candy sent the skeleton to the hospital?
Jawbreakers.
One of my neighbours was stealing things from the local supermarket whilst sitting on the shoulders of two vampires. He was charged with shoplifting on two counts.
Did you hear about the ghoul who had eight arms?
He was very handy!
You can't ever get the attention of a vampire on Halloween. They're way too busy looking for their necks victim.
What do you call a zombie in pajamas?
The sleepwalking dead.
What do you call a witch's spotless garage?
A broom closet.
Judging by the sounds, there’s an ogre staying in the hotel room above me.
Hopefully he shreks out tomorrow.
How does a vampire bat enter his house?
Through the bat flap.
What do you call a zombie who stir-fries?
Dead Man Wokking
What do you call a mythical being working in a smoothie store?
Mejuicea.
What do you get if you cross a pumpkin with a bigfoot?
A Sasquash.
What was the skeleton doing at the hockey game?
Driving the zam-boney.
What do you call a ghost of a man with a broken leg? A hobblin’ goblin.
In the night, a visitor came past my igloo. It was a yeti!
Not sure who left the other cooler, but thanks!
How do you stop an Internet troll?
Seize their memes of production.
What was the inscription on the tomb of Frankenstein’s monster?
HERE LIES FRANKENSTEIN’S MONSTER. MAY HE REST IN PIECES.
What would you call an ogre who can write and recite poetry??
Shrekspeare.
I met a French vampire who had an attention deficit problem. We called him Drac..ooh la la!
How does Frankenstein eat his dinner?
He bolts it down.
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
A dead-y bear.
What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire?
It’s a pain in the neck.
What does it take to become a zombie?
Dead-ication.
What was it like to fight Medusa?
- At first I was afraid, then I was petrified...
What kind of fish do skeletons like to eat?
Carpals.
What cars do zombies drive?
Monster trucks.
Why do witches fly on broomsticks?
Because vacuum cleaner cords aren’t long enough.
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