THE KRAKEN: Yes, I'd like to renew my lease, please.
LANDLORD: Re-lease the Kraken!
What did the Japanese skeleton put in his sushi?
Bone-ito flakes.
What's the difference between an internet troll and a video game character?
Video game characters have lives.
Where's the safest place to be in the zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
What do bony people use to get into their homes?
A skeleton key.
What's the Kraken gonna give you that'll make you laugh uncontrollably?
Ten Tickles!
Why are ghouls so healthy?
They always eat fresh food!
Where did the ghost go on holiday? The Boohamas.
What does one vampire say to another before bed?
- I hope you have a fang-tastic day!
Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up.
She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
What do Krakens eat?
Fish and ships.
What does Bigfoot say when he sees campers in sleeping bags?
- Yum, Hot Pockets!
What is the difference between a deer running away and a small witch?
One is a hunted stag and one is a stunted hag!
Why do witches only ride their broomsticks at night?
That's the time to sweep.
What is a skeleton’s favorite type of film to watch?
A spine-tingler.
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
Dr. Frankenstein just placed an order on Amazon.
It wasn't expensive, but I imagine the shipping cost him an arm and a leg.
What do you call a zombie who stir-fries?
Dead Man Wokking
Why are witches good at farming?
Because they love occult-ivation.
Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man.
What did the Minotaur order at Starbucks?
Half-calf.
Why is Frankenstein always asking for help?
He’s looking for someone to give him a hand.
Why did the ghoul bury the trophy?
Because he wanted it engraved!
What problem do you encounter with twin witches?
You can never tell which is witch.
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
Why do Bigfoots like to tell jokes?
Because they're killer comedians.
What do you call it when a monster gets mad?
Ogre-reacting!
Did you hear about the witch who got plastic surgery?
She looked really good afterworts.
What did Frankenstein say when he was struck by lightning?
Great! A jolt to the bolt!
The best place to search for information about witches is wicca-pedia.
Vampires love corny jokes and puns. I don't think they're funny, but it's probably to do with them being pun-dead.
How did the skeleton know it was going to rain?
He could feel it in his bones.
What's the similarity between a sailor and a thief?
Both have a phobia for sirens.
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal-sized clippers?
Shear size.
Where do Yetis go to dance?
To a snow ball.
What do you call a communist vampire?
A red blood count.
Why was the skeleton a success at work?
He had a head for business.
Stealthy minotaurs are always camooflauged.
What did the skeleton say to his girlfriend?
- Will you marrow me?
What is the collective noun for Ghosts? Team spirit.
Has the abominable snowman called?
Not Yeti.
What’s a skeleton’s second favorite instrument?
A sax-a-bone.
How did the witch feel about using her broom to do housework?
She bristled at the suggestion!
Why did the game warden arrest the ghost? No haunting license.
You will never see a vampire betting on the horses. They can't handle the stakes.
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a hyena?
A monster with a sense of humor.
What’s a werewolve's favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas!
What does a skeleton order at a restaurant?
Spare ribs.
Why did the Ghost turn down the job? He could not see himself doing it.
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