How did the skeleton bring his groceries home from the market?
He used his Cart-ilage.
Witches get sore joints because they have broom-atism.
Why did the witch stay in a hotel during her travels?
She heard they had great broom service.
You hear about the werewolf who majored in philosophy?
Now he's a whywolf
Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
What happened to the man who didn’t pay his exorcist? His house was repossessed.
A wise saying among werewolves: Chasing your tail will not make ends meet.
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
Why did the mummy get a divorce?
His wife was a ghoul-digger who was just after his mummy.
Why doesn’t Frankenstein go on airplanes?
He can’t get past the airport metal detector.
Werewolves keep their spare things in a were-house.
What did the tired witch do?
She sat down for a spell.
Where do werewolves hate shopping?
The flea market.
What do you call a Minotaur in a playground?
A swing and a myth.
Heard a rumor of a giant butterfly in London. Probably just an urban moth.
What happens if you cross a hairdresser and a werewolf?
A creature with an all over perm!
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
Why was Frankenstein’s monster always being arrested?
He was so easy to charge.
Afraid he wouldn’t get into college the skeleton spent the weekend boning up on algebra.
Why do witches only ride their broomsticks at night?
That's the time to sweep.
How do ghouls like their meals?
Absolutely terrified!
My wife threatened to leave me if I didn't stop making monster puns.
So I guess our relationship might as well be ogre.
What do you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman? A dead ringer.
What type of art do skeletons like?
Skulltures!
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
I found out yesterday that the Mexican dish ghosts like the most is a boo-ritto.
Why didn’t the skeleton rob the bank?
Because he didn’t have the guts.
What did the witch get her cat for entertainment?
A cat-alog.
Did you hear about the werewolf who got invited to the dance?
He really wanted to go, but the upcoming full moon was giving him paws.
What do you call a werewolf with no legs?
Anything you like – he can’t chase you.
What’s a vampire’s favorite cocktail?
A Bloody Mary.
Where do school-going vampires carry their books?
In bat-packs.
What do you call a zombie driving a Ferrari?
A zoombie.
My wife and my friends are sick of my puns about The Abominable Snowman.
Yeti keep cracking them.
What was the skeleton’s favorite Christmas candy?
Bone-bone.
What happened to the wolf that fell into the washing machine?
It became a wash and wearwolf.
People say Frankenstein’s monster had a temper…
But actually he was surprisingly level-headed.
What was the skeleton doing at the hockey game?
Driving the zam-boney.
Why can't the zombie get a job?
They all want someone more lively.
I used to fear giants.
Now I look up to them.
What do you call an undead bee?
A zom-bee.
How did the archeologists know the skeletons were real?
They were bone-afide.
What do ghosts and monsters drink after scaring people?
Ghoul-Aid.
How did Poseidon greet the sea monster?
- Hey buddy, what's kraken?
What do you call a skeleton with no friends?
Bonely.
What do you call a silly werewolf in Australia ?
A dingo-ling
What tree monster prowls the forest?
Frankenpine.
Why did the skeleton have to testify in court?
Because he was a body of evidence.
What is black, white and dead all over?
A zombie in a tuxedo.
How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!
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