What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?
One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
Last Christmas, I got my sister a build-it-yourself medieval fort. She wasn't very happy with it, but my mother reprimanded her by saying that it isn't the gift, but the fort that counts!
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?
Because of their skills in hacking
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
That boy narrated his-story really well.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
Why should you never mess with a Gladiator who knows his English literature?
First he'll bellowulf at you, then he'll shakespeare
Have you heard the fast gladiator that was a tumor covered in dough?
He was a Roamin' Tumor Roll.
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
Their middle name.
One of the historical figures to play music with has got to be the talented Mr. Ben-jam-in Franklin.
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
Why did Alexander not like eating chicken legs? Because he hated defeat.
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man
... as they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
When Napoleon is indecisive, he is torn-apart-e.
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
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