The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it. A student handed in his work with "The Magna Carta was signed in 1215" written 150 times.
The teacher asked the boy, "Why did you write this?" The boy replied, "Because you always say that history repeats itself!"
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
What do you call a happy aviator?
A gladiator
It might take a village to raise a child...
but it only takes a viking to raze a village.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
Where do Viking warrior scrabble champions go when they die?
Vowel-halla
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
I wonder why Lenin didn't realize that communism would fail to work. There were so many red flags everywhere.
Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
Name the subject that is most fruitiest among others. History because of it huge number of dates.
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
When I gave the wrong answer about Austrian composers in class, my teacher said, "Are you Schubert that?"
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
What do you call the gladiator who only tackles other gladiators?
Wrestle Crow.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?
One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
Who led the Australians into the promised land, through a semipermeable membrane?
Ozmoses.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
Why did the Vikings not have high doorknobs?
Because of Loki.
Who succeeded the first President of the United States?
The second one.
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
Don't send our invitations to a viking themed wedding until the date is set in stone
Or they'll be runed
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
Of course Napolean did not design the coat that he was wearing but we all knew that he had his hand on it.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
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