I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
He was Bjorn again.
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
Napoleon conquered too much lang because he had too little Toulouse.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
King Arthur's Round Table was built by Sir Cumference.
A teacher asks one of their pupils, "Can you describe Napoleon"s origin?"
The pupil replies, "Course I can." (Corsican)
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
What do the early European settlers in America have in common with ants?
They both lived in colonies!
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
How does a Viking show the amount of raiding and pillaging that they do at the same time?
They use a Sven Diagram.
When I asked my Teacher in History class if she could tell us more about Napoleon's origin, she replied,"'Course I can!"
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
Vikings aren't afraid of death.
They know they'll be Bjorn again.
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
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