Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
When Napoleon is indecisive, he is torn-apart-e.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
The sweetest and fruitiest historical wonder of the world is the Grape Wall of China.
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Who led the Australians into the promised land, through a semipermeable membrane?
Ozmoses.
How does a Viking show the amount of raiding and pillaging that they do at the same time?
They use a Sven Diagram.
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
Did the Vikings believe in reincarnation?
That's a re-Thorical question.
Roman soldiers are trained.
But Vikings are Bjorn.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
The colonized do not like British tea. They only want liber-tea.
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
What do you call a weary Viking conqueror?
Bluetooth low energy
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
I wonder why Lenin didn't realize that communism would fail to work. There were so many red flags everywhere.
Vegetarians in the sixth century were called peasants.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
My least favorite teacher in the school is the History teacher. Whenever she takes a class on Ancient History, she tends to Babylon.
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
Vikings weren't exactly the best at drinking contests.
They were quite MEADiocre.
People hated Ho Chi Minh because he was Hanoi-ing.
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
Before America was founded, the idea of a democratic nation in the New World was unPresidented.
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
It might take a village to raise a child...
but it only takes a viking to raze a village.
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
History. History. Did I just rewrite history?
What did the bone mage use to rob medieval homes?
A skeleton key
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
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