Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
Napoleon may not have designed the coat he wore, but he did have a hand in it.
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
What can you find in both medieval English castles and American art museums?
Norman Rock Wells.
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
Don't send our invitations to a viking themed wedding until the date is set in stone
Or they'll be runed
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
What did a viking said to the other after a dad joke?
Aesir what you did there.
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
Why are Scandinavian women so hot?
The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones.
The biggest irony in the world's history is that the Russian alphabet has no letters in lowercase. It is all Capitalization.
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
Which was the largest Gladiator of them all?
Gluteus Maximus
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
When the History teachers wanted to help out students who were failing the subject privately, they put up a poster on the school bulletin boards that said, "Need Tudoring?"
Norwegian archeologists have uncovered the very first Viking parenting book.
The title, translated into modern language, is *It Takes a Pillage*.
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
King Arthur's Round Table was built by Sir Cumference.
My girlfriend said if I don't stop my obsession with Viking culture she'll fight me to the death.
"Jokes on you," I said. "If I die in battle, I'll go straight to Valhalla."
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
Gladiator.
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
Before America was founded, the idea of a democratic nation in the New World was unPresidented.
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.
What did Sparticus do to the cannibal who ate his nagging wife?
Nothing, he's gladiator.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
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