How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
What do you call a happy aviator?
A gladiator
One night, a Viking called Rudolph the red was looking out of his window when he suddenly said, "It's going to rain."
His wife asked, "How do you know?"
"Because Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
Franz Joseph constantly sour about everything because he was always Haydn.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
Napoleon conquered too much lang because he had too little Toulouse.
Napoleon may not have designed the coat he wore, but he did have a hand in it.
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
When the student had asked the History teacher what questions will be there for the History exam, she answered, "The Past."
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
What did the gladiator say when he was surrounded by nearly 100 men?
IC
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
What do you call a weary Viking conqueror?
Bluetooth low energy
Which was the largest Gladiator of them all?
Gluteus Maximus
The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
What are the Vikings favorite drink?
Mini Sodas
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
What's a Vikings favourite dance?
The Loki cokey.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
What do you call a Swedish cycling group?
Viking Biking
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
"Norway"
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
I General Lee do not find punny history jokes about the Civil War funny.
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