What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
Why should you never mess with a Gladiator who knows his English literature?
First he'll bellowulf at you, then he'll shakespeare
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
What did Dead Viking say to Voluptuous Valkyrie?
Valhallo there.
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
What do you think is the name of the knight who unexpectedly turned up at the battle? His name is Sir Prize.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
I wonder why Lenin didn't realize that communism would fail to work. There were so many red flags everywhere.
Why did the mammoth have a woolly coat?
Because he would have looked ridiculous in an anorak.
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
What do you call a Viking cat call?
Valholla
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
What do you call a weary Viking conqueror?
Bluetooth low energy
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
When Julius Ceasar got defeated by Brutus in 'Battleship,' he said, "A2 Brute?"
Why were the Vikings such good sailors?
You can lead a Norse to water but you can't make him sink.
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
Because it can't sit down!
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
After the Palace of Versailles was completed, Louis XIV felt Baroque and roll.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
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