Why were the Vikings such good sailors?
You can lead a Norse to water but you can't make him sink.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
Medieval Kings and Queens were carried by their soldiers and servants. I am not lying, they litter-ally carried that way!
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
What was the Vikings favorite song while invading England ?
Heathen flow by Pearl Jam
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
Why can't Vikings fans eat cereal? Because they choke before they ever reach the bowl.
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
Why did the Archaeopteryx always catch the worm?
Because it was an early bird!
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
What Did The Gladiator Do With The Glory-Hole?
He put his spear in it.
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
I saw the Liberty Bell.
It's not all it's cracked up to be.
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
Have you heard the fast gladiator that was a tumor covered in dough?
He was a Roamin' Tumor Roll.
What do you call a Swedish cycling group?
Viking Biking
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
Why did the mammoth have a woolly coat?
Because he would have looked ridiculous in an anorak.
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?
Because of their skills in hacking
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
There's this video game about an FBI psychologist hunting a Viking Angel of Death....
I believe it's named Valkyrie's Profile.
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Floodlights.
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