What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
History. History. Did I just rewrite history?
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
That boy narrated his-story really well.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
When one is Russian for industrialization, there is no time for Stalin.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
What was the most popular dance move in the colonies in 1776?
Indepen-dance.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
One fundamental lesson our teacher has taught us in History class while talking about the Civil War was never to take victory for Grant-ed.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
What do you call a group of penniless Viking grave diggers?
The poor norsemen of the necropolis.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.
Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?
Because of their skills in hacking
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
While teaching about the Mongol Empire in History class, our teacher told us, "If anyone Khan, Genghis Khan."
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
Name the subject that is most fruitiest among others. History because of it huge number of dates.
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
The colonized do not like British tea. They only want liber-tea.
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
Why are Scandinavian women so hot?
The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones.
I wonder why Lenin didn't realize that communism would fail to work. There were so many red flags everywhere.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
The loveliest subject in schools History because it has so many dates.
I wouldn't say I liked the documentary that I had watched on the history of WD-40. It was non-friction.
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