A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
"Norway"
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
What do you call a Viking who's been bitten by a vampire?
Norseferatu.
Why are Scandinavian women so hot?
The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones.
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
When a ship or Vikings suddenly vanishes
There's a disturbance in the Norse
When Napoleon died in the explosion, he was blown-apart-e.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
When the teacher got frustrated because the students weren't paying attention to the class about Isaac Newton, he exclaimed, "Don't you understand the gravity of this situation?"
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
Who succeeded the Vikings?
The Z-kings
Why did the Vikings not have high doorknobs?
Because of Loki.
What do you think is the name of the knight who unexpectedly turned up at the battle? His name is Sir Prize.
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
Gladiator.
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
Who was the biggest prankster in George Washington's army?
Laugh-ayette!
What did the Viking boss say to his band of misbehaving marauders?
It's either my way or Norway!
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
How can you tell if you're at a classy Viking restaurant?
They have Valhallet parking
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
History teachers are the worst gifters
They always think about the past, not the present.
The First World War ended very quickly because they were Russian.
When Napoleon is indecisive, he is torn-apart-e.
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
Vikings weren't exactly the best at drinking contests.
They were quite MEADiocre.
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