What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, "You're just going to lose it."
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
Why did the Vikings not have high doorknobs?
Because of Loki.
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
The sweetest and fruitiest historical wonder of the world is the Grape Wall of China.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
My girlfriend said if I don't stop my obsession with Viking culture she'll fight me to the death.
"Jokes on you," I said. "If I die in battle, I'll go straight to Valhalla."
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
Nobody knows about Napoleon's brother because they were born-apart-e.
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
What did the gladiator say when he was surrounded by nearly 100 men?
IC
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
Who was the knight that was very secretive?
Sir Reptitious
The biggest irony in the world's history is that the Russian alphabet has no letters in lowercase. It is all Capitalization.
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
Of course Napolean did not design the coat that he was wearing but we all knew that he had his hand on it.
Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
What did the bone mage use to rob medieval homes?
A skeleton key
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek?
Marco Polo.
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
The comedian said a joke from the 17th century, the crowd went historical.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
When the teacher got frustrated because the students weren't paying attention to the class about Isaac Newton, he exclaimed, "Don't you understand the gravity of this situation?"
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
While teaching about the Mongol Empire in History class, our teacher told us, "If anyone Khan, Genghis Khan."
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
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