Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
There's this video game about an FBI psychologist hunting a Viking Angel of Death....
I believe it's named Valkyrie's Profile.
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek?
Marco Polo.
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
Don't send our invitations to a viking themed wedding until the date is set in stone
Or they'll be runed
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
When I gave the wrong answer about Austrian composers in class, my teacher said, "Are you Schubert that?"
In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it. A student handed in his work with "The Magna Carta was signed in 1215" written 150 times.
The teacher asked the boy, "Why did you write this?" The boy replied, "Because you always say that history repeats itself!"
What do you call a happy aviator?
A gladiator
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
What do you call a Viking cat call?
Valholla
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?
With a Nor-Ouija board.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
If George Frederic Handel would be born in the modern era, his favorite song would be "Club Can't Even Handel Me."
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
Why did the Vikings not have high doorknobs?
Because of Loki.
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
Hitler jokes are rude, Anne Frankly I don't care.
Go to BabaMail
