Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
What do you call a Roman with a wet mustache and a smile?
Gladiator.
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
Why did the mammoth have a woolly coat?
Because he would have looked ridiculous in an anorak.
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
Where do Viking warrior scrabble champions go when they die?
Vowel-halla
What do you call a group of penniless Viking grave diggers?
The poor norsemen of the necropolis.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
What can you find in both medieval English castles and American art museums?
Norman Rock Wells.
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
Before America was founded, the idea of a democratic nation in the New World was unPresidented.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
What stories did Vikings tell their children?
Norsery Rhymes
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
When I asked my Teacher in History class if she could tell us more about Napoleon's origin, she replied,"'Course I can!"
When the teacher got frustrated because the students weren't paying attention to the class about Isaac Newton, he exclaimed, "Don't you understand the gravity of this situation?"
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
During the cold war all the countries involved went into hibernation.
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
When Napoleon died in the explosion, he was blown-apart-e.
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