Where do sperm play football?
In a con-dome.
Hope you’re wide open on [date].
Case in punt
What do you call a giant that's good at football?
Goaliath.
Having a ball this weekend with my best friends
I almost brought a screwdriver to the football game, but was stopped by security
They said that match-fixing isn't allowed.
This event is sure to be out of bounds.
What did the foot say to the football?
I toed you.
What stat do the Miami Dolphins lead every single year?
All Porpoise Yardage!
I like big punts and I cannot lie
Why can’t a car play football?
Because it only has one boot.
[Drink] That’s a thirst down!
The goal nine yards
How do you call football without shoes?
Socker.
Why’s it always hot after a football game?
All the fans left.
What must the Oregon football team do before each play?
Get all of their ducks in a row.
What did the football player say to his Chinese son
Go Long!
I had a really good fantasy football team.
Then, My Luck ran out.
A goal new ball game I he a kick outta you
What happened when the football coach’s dog ran onto the field during a game?
He got called for ineligible retriever down field!
What do Walter Payton and Luke Skywalker have in common?
They both did great with a hand off!
Why should you never go back in time to alter the outcome of a football game?
You’ll be called for past interference!
Why don’t quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage?
Because they produce audible groans!
The football won’t be the only thing spiked at this party.
Do you know why an octopus is so good at Football?
It gets ten tackles a play.
Which is the coolest football team in Italy?
AC Milan.
I’m icing the kicker – and by kicker, I mean beer.
[Chips] This is what I call a chip shot.
Give me some pigskin
[Bundled Up Guy] This is what you call man coverage.
The calm before the score
[Beer] This is my number one draft pick.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship
We’re calling your number.
My football teammate asked me, “On a scale of 1-10, how do you rate our after-victory celebration?”
I gave him a high five.
Kicking off the afternoon in the best way possible
Did I tell you about my new girlfriend who also plays football?
Yeah.. she‘s a keeper
Why wasn’t the pig chosen in the football/soccer team?
It was a ball hogger.
No intentional frowning is allowed here.
Calm before the score
I’m establishing my punning game early today.
What’s the difference between a punter and punster?
A punster gets his kicks with bad puns like these!
Having a ball
[Food Spread] This is the line of scrumptiousness.
Jokes are a lot like American football.
If you haven't gotten anywhere with the first three tries, you'll need to rely on your punner.
Football is one habit I will never kick
Why was McGruff the Crime Dog ejected from the football game?
He was called for unnecessary gruffness!
Why was the football pitch a triangle?
Because someone took a corner
What do you do if a running back swallows the football?
You have to get him to cough it up!
o my friend Justin was late for the football game.
But that’s okay because he arrived Justin time for kickoff.
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