What stat do the Miami Dolphins lead every single year?
All Porpoise Yardage!
Here’s the game plan: [party details]
With salsa, cheese dip, and guac, our bowl game is hot.
Jokes are a lot like American football.
If you haven't gotten anywhere with the first three tries, you'll need to rely on your punner.
What do you call a horse that is good at football?
Neighhhhh-mar.
Join us for plenty of play action.
Why was McGruff the Crime Dog ejected from the football game?
He was called for unnecessary gruffness!
What must the Oregon football team do before each play?
Get all of their ducks in a row.
Football is one habit I will never kick
Where do sperm play football?
In a con-dome.
Did I tell you about my new girlfriend who also plays football?
Yeah.. she‘s a keeper
Having a ball
What do you do if a running back swallows the football?
You have to get him to cough it up!
Did you hear about the fumbled exorcism? The guy retained possession!
I’ve been getting blitzed all game
Why don’t quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage?
Because they produce audible groans!
Did you hear about the Heisman Trophy candidate who falsified his rushing stats?
The yards were stacked in his favor!
Don’t pass on this party – rush on over.
[Drink] That’s a thirst down!
I like big punts and I cannot lie
o my friend Justin was late for the football game.
But that’s okay because he arrived Justin time for kickoff.
Why did the quarterback suddenly walk off the field?
The coach told him to take a hike!
I’m establishing my punning game early today.
Why wasn’t the pig chosen in the football/soccer team?
It was a ball hogger.
I’m icing the kicker – and by kicker, I mean beer.
[Donuts] We’re going the hole nine yards for this game.
My girlfriend told me she's breaking up with me because of my football obsession.
I told her she'll need to wait till the summer window if she wants a free transfer.
I like your tight end
My football teammate asked me, “On a scale of 1-10, how do you rate our after-victory celebration?”
I gave him a high five.
This event is sure to be out of bounds.
Why was the football pitch a triangle?
Because someone took a corner
The huddle is real
I almost brought a screwdriver to the football game, but was stopped by security
They said that match-fixing isn't allowed.
Case in punt
What happened when the football coach’s dog ran onto the field during a game?
He got called for ineligible retriever down field!
I have a lot of respect for fans of football teams that consist of only ghosts
They have a lot of spirit.
I just watched Sunday Night Football.
There were Lutz and Lutz of field goals.
I’ve been getting blitzed all game.
The goal nine yards
Do you know why an octopus is so good at Football?
It gets ten tackles a play.
What kind of insect is bad at football?
A fumble-bee.
Hope you’re wide open on [date].
I had a really good fantasy football team.
Then, My Luck ran out.
Why’s it always hot after a football game?
All the fans left.
We’ll have a ball.
What do Walter Payton and Luke Skywalker have in common?
They both did great with a hand off!
I may not be the biggest football fan, but I love tight ends.
What do you call a Spanish football player with no legs?
Gracias.
Why should you never go back in time to alter the outcome of a football game?
You’ll be called for past interference!
What type of football player is the biggest drug addict?
The lineman.
The calm before the score
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