Why couldn't the skeleton play football?
He didn't have the guts.
How do you call football without shoes?
Socker.
Where do sperm play football?
In a con-dome.
Why was the potato fired from his job at the football stadium?
He was a horrible commentater.
Join us for plenty of play action.
What type of football player is the biggest drug addict?
The lineman.
A knife tried out for Varsity football.
It didn't make the cut.
What do you call it when a football player suffers a career-ending injury in his last game before retirement? Gridirony!
Why should you never go back in time to alter the outcome of a football game?
You’ll be called for past interference!
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship
Why is a Tornado the best type of football player?
Because it always gets touchdowns.
This event is sure to be out of bounds.
Do you know why an octopus is so good at Football?
It gets ten tackles a play.
Which is the coolest football team in Italy?
AC Milan.
The goal nine yards
I almost brought a screwdriver to the football game, but was stopped by security
They said that match-fixing isn't allowed.
A goal new ball game I he a kick outta you
What do you call a Spanish football player with no legs?
Gracias.
[Chicken] We’re serving this during the game, so you might call it a live ball fowl.
[Drink] That’s a thirst down!
What do Walter Payton and Luke Skywalker have in common?
They both did great with a hand off!
I’ve never lost a game of football basketball or volleyball!
Though I’ve never played a game either.
You shouldn't wear glasses when playing football...
They say it's a contact sport.
[Bundled Up Guy] This is what you call man coverage.
The huddle is real
I may not be the biggest football fan, but I love tight ends.
What did the foot say to the football?
I toed you.
Here’s the game plan: [party details]
With salsa, cheese dip, and guac, our bowl game is hot.
Kicking off the afternoon in the best way possible
The calm before the score
[Food Spread] This is the line of scrumptiousness.
Why was the football pitch a triangle?
Because someone took a corner
Why wasn’t the pig chosen in the football/soccer team?
It was a ball hogger.
What happened when the football coach’s dog ran onto the field during a game?
He got called for ineligible retriever down field!
I’m establishing my punning game early today.
Why did the football coach attempt to destroy the vending machine?
Cuz it wouldn't give him his quarterback.
Why don't quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage? Because they produce audible groans!
Having a ball
Calm before the score
What does a mom of a football fan hate the most?
A messi room.
What kind of insect is bad at football?
A fumble-bee.
[Beer] This is my number one draft pick.
Did you hear about the Heisman Trophy candidate who falsified his rushing stats?
The yards were stacked in his favor!
Why couldn't the warden decide whether to allow the prison football team play the professional football team?
The idea had its pros and cons.
Staying humble thanks to that fumble
Why don’t quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage?
Because they produce audible groans!
What do you call a horse that is good at football?
Neighhhhh-mar.
Hope you’re wide open on [date].
I went to Oxford University, where I was a philosophy major and the starting goalkeeper on the football team.
They called me Soccertes.
What do you do if a running back swallows the football?
You have to get him to cough it up!
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