You shouldn't wear glasses when playing football...
They say it's a contact sport.
I may not be the biggest football fan, but I love tight ends.
My football teammate asked me, “On a scale of 1-10, how do you rate our after-victory celebration?”
I gave him a high five.
What do you call it when a football player suffers a career-ending injury in his last game before retirement? Gridirony!
By the seat of one’s punt
Kicking off the afternoon in the best way possible
Where do sperm play football?
In a con-dome.
Why couldn't the skeleton play football?
He didn't have the guts.
[Beer] This is my number one draft pick.
Staying humble thanks to that fumble
What did the football player say to his Chinese son
Go Long!
My girlfriend told me she's breaking up with me because of my football obsession.
I told her she'll need to wait till the summer window if she wants a free transfer.
Why did the quarterback suddenly walk off the field?
The coach told him to take a hike!
What is a bird that flies over a football field called?
A fieldgull.
What stat do the Miami Dolphins lead every single year?
All Porpoise Yardage!
I’m icing the kicker – and by kicker, I mean beer.
Calm before the score
What did the foot say to the football?
I toed you.
I had a really good fantasy football team.
Then, My Luck ran out.
Don’t pass on this party – rush on over.
The calm before the score
Give me some pigskin
I’ve never lost a game of football basketball or volleyball!
Though I’ve never played a game either.
Which is the coolest football team in Italy?
AC Milan.
Prepare to be bowled over.
I feel tail great!
Did you hear about the football team that drafted a vending machine?
They really needed a quarter back!
Football is one habit I will never kick.
A knife tried out for Varsity football.
It didn't make the cut.
The football won’t be the only thing spiked at this party.
[Donuts] We’re going the hole nine yards for this game.
Did you hear about the Heisman Trophy candidate who falsified his rushing stats?
The yards were stacked in his favor!
Don’t drop the ball – without you, the party will be incomplete.
What do you call a horse that is good at football?
Neighhhhh-mar.
Why did the uncouth spud not stop talking during the football game?
Because he was a common-tater.
Why don’t quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage?
Because they produce audible groans!
What do you call a Spanish football player with no legs?
Gracias.
[Chips] This is what I call a chip shot.
Why is Cinderella bad at football?
Because she’s always running away from the ball.
Why did the football referee have trouble measuring the first down?
Someone was yanking his chain!
Why is a Tornado the best type of football player?
Because it always gets touchdowns.
Why was the potato fired from his job at the football stadium?
He was a horrible commentater.
Why wasn’t the pig chosen in the football/soccer team?
It was a ball hogger.
I have a lot of respect for fans of football teams that consist of only ghosts
They have a lot of spirit.
Which football playoff team are Star Trek fans rooting for ?
The Green Bay Picards.
Having a ball
Why was the football pitch a triangle?
Because someone took a corner
[Food Spread] This is the line of scrumptiousness.
What is a defensive football players favorite dessert?
Apple Turnover.
Here’s the game plan: [party details]
With salsa, cheese dip, and guac, our bowl game is hot.
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