Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
I'll fight you with my bear hands.
Oh, deer.
Did you hear about the poker player who lost his arm and got a prosthetic replacement?
He’s finding it hard to deal with.
Grandpa died because we couldn’t figure out his blood type.
At least he told us to be positive.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
"Bone to be wild."
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
What did the axon terminal say to the receptor when they broke up?
I need my space.
Well, you have to hand it to relay runners, don't you?
What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree!
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
"I would make a skeleton joke, but you wouldn't find it very
humerus."
"Lazy bones."
A chemical in science class can make your hands go numb
But math will make you number.
I was doing brain surgery to a patient the other day
He was rather open-minded if you ask me.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
When I was young, my dad used to throw quarters at my head whenever I acted up.
He said, “Maybe this’ll knock some scents into you.”
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
What do you call it when the axe in your hand falls on your feet.
An AXEIDENT.
What did the mother brain say to her oldest child when it was bothering her youngest child?
It didn't want to get brain-washed.
I didn't think the doctor would fix the curve in my spine
But now I stand corrected.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
My cranium is empty. I'm running bone-dry here.
What Do You Say To A One Legged Hitch Hiker
Hop In.
A person without arms and a knife in their mouth is still technically armed,
but only to the teeth.
A balding magician had an act where he'd put a rabbit on his head and make it disappear...
The hare vanished into thin hair.
I tried making a machine that shoots bullets out of your fingers, but it shot out my spine instead.
Well, that back fired.
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
What do you call the shirt a neurosurgeon wears to every brain surgery?
His specialty.
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
Stay away from Gmail if you don't want to get shivers down your spine
There's clearly a draft in there.
I tried my hand at cinematography, but it didn't really pan out.
My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
A lady stormed off when I asked about her hand bag.
Maybe the question was to pursonal.
What did the skeleton bring to the potluck?
Spare ribs.
Why were the axons bothered by myelin?
It was getting on their nerves.
A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm.
He goes up to the bartender and says "A drink please and another for the road."
What human body part is long, hard, bendable, and contains the letters p,e,n,i,s?
Your spine.
A friend of mine lost the right side of of his brain in a car accident, but he wouldn’t stop drinking and driving.
No one in their right mind would do that.
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
I took a blood test today
It was easy. I got A+, and I didn't even have to study!
What does a skeleton play in a band?
A Trom-Bone.
If some of Fred Flintstone's neurotransmitters could talk, what would they say?
"Gaba-Daba-Do!"
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
Someone said, "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."
So I through a dictionary at them.
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