My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
I punched my monitor and now my hand really hertz.
Why are neuroanatomy classes the smartest?
They have lots of brains.
I broke both my legs yesterday and now I have to use a wheelchair
I really can’t stand my situation right now.
Why did the skeleton cross the road?
To get to the body shop.
I bought a bunch of antique spears online, but they arrived without their spear heads.
I got shafted.
What did the skeleton bring to the potluck?
Spare ribs.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
How do you know if a spine finds you funny?
It starts cracking up.
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
What kind of fish performs brain surgery?
A neurosturgeon.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
I can heartly wait to see you again.
What is a sleeping brain's favorite musical group (rock band)?
REM.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
The guy who invented the watch must have had a lot of time on his hands
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
What did the hippocampus say during its retirement speech?
"Thanks for the memories."
My cranium is empty. I'm running bone-dry here.
What can't cows stand on their hind legs?
Because they lactose.
6:30 is hands down the best time on a clock
I had to give an impromptu speech on a piece of cloth that encircles the wrist...
I spoke off the cuff on the cuff.
What did the brain say after it got an electrical shock?
"This was a stimulating experience."
One day, I looked to my spine and said
Thanks for all the support! Thanks to you we've grown to new heights.
Restrooms in restaurants often have a sign saying "Employees must wash hands".
But after waiting hours, no one has ever helped me with mine!
A balding magician had an act where he'd put a rabbit on his head and make it disappear...
The hare vanished into thin hair.
What’s the least honest bone in the body?
The fibula.
"Dying to have fun."
"No body won the skeleton race."
The real reason humans have wrinkly brains?
We've been in the gene pool too long.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
I think I'm going to remove my spine.
It's only holding me back.
I'm glad I have my 2nd Amendment right to bear arms.
Otherwise, I'd have been amputated at birth.
No body has ever won a skeleton race.
Some guy wanted to charge me a bunch of money for a second hand bouncy house.
But I wasn't sure if that was something I really wanted to jump into.
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
I have a heart-on for you.
Why are hands so reliable?
Because you can always count on them.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
Why does the spinal cord belong in the brass section of an orchestra?
Because of its dorsal and ventral horns.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
What do you call two guys with no arms and no legs and hang on the wall?
Curt 'n Rod.