My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
Why is the left cerebral cortex always wrong?
Because it was never in the rgiht.
What Do You Say To A One Legged Hitch Hiker
Hop In.
"You can't skele-run from my skele-puns."
"I would make a skeleton joke, but you wouldn't find it very
humerus."
What reassuring advice did the meninges give to the brain?
"Don't worry, I've got you covered."
Why do neurons like e-mail?
The love messages.
What do you call a martial artist who injured his leg?
Bruised Knee.
My hypochondriac brother just told me he thinks he's got a brain tumor.
I told him not to worry, it's probably all in his head.
Did you hear about the skeleton that was almost picked apart by a group of wild dogs?
He marrowly escaped.
I'm surprised you all aren't talking more about that drug with the side effect of making scalps wrinkled.
I mean, it's been making a LOT of head lines.
No! You can't force me to shave my forearms!
I have a right to bear arms!
Did you know you can hear blood flowing close to the skin?
You just have to listen varicosely.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
I can't stand when people kick me in the back of the leg.
What do neurons use to talk to each other?
Cellular phones.
What
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
What has four legs and one arm?
A rottweiler at a park.
Why is a baby showing the top of its head during labor a significant event?
Because that’s the baby’s crowning achievement.
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
When I was young, my dad used to throw quarters at my head whenever I acted up.
He said, “Maybe this’ll knock some scents into you.”
How did the gambler know his hand would stink?
Because he was holding deuces.
Cutting my arms was the best descision I've ever made
Hands down.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
What do neurons do on their birthdays?
They cell-ebrate
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
Son: What happens when white blood cells fail to protect us from an infection?
Dad: Their effort goes in vein.
My mother's sister was a gamble who enjoyed poker. She would heartily add to the initial pot but fold after the first hand...
We called her Auntie Up.
My cranium is empty. I'm running bone-dry here.
Why can't a brain be 12 inches long?
Becuase then it would be a foot.
The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
What do you call a hat for the brain?
A thinking cap.
Restrooms in restaurants often have a sign saying "Employees must wash hands".
But after waiting hours, no one has ever helped me with mine!
What do you call a skull without 86 billion neurons?
A no brainer.
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
A brain aneurysm would be swell.
Why did the brain go into a group of trees to sleep?
For rest. (forest)
I lost my memory after getting hit on the head by a boomerang.
It's all coming back to me now.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
What does a zombie say as he squishes your brains between his fingers?
Got your knows.
What do you say when two red blood cells get married?
Coagulations!
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
What do you call it when the axe in your hand falls on your feet.
An AXEIDENT.
There's a microchip you can transplant into your brain to boost your memory
You should keep that in mind.
My son was injected with poisoned blood from a person from Finland
He said "I am finnished."
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
How do you call a man who can cook an egg on his head?
pan o man.
The Queen of the Nile was said to always show a bit of leg...
but Nefertiti.
What do you call a deer that feeds on the blood of others?
Vlad the impala.
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