Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
I lub dub you with all my heart.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
Go to BabaMail
