What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
I can heartly wait to see you again.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
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