Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
I have a heart-on for you.
I lub dub you with all my heart.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
I can heartly wait to see you again.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
You’re my heartthrob.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
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