I lub dub you with all my heart.
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
I can heartly wait to see you again.
The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
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