What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
I can heartly wait to see you again.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
You’re my heartthrob.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
I have a heart-on for you.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
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