My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
I lub dub you with all my heart.
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
You’re my heartthrob.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
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