What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
I have a heart-on for you.
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
You’re my heartthrob.
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.