What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
I have a heart-on for you.
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
You’re my heartthrob.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
I lub dub you with all my heart.