I surprised my friend as she was trying to steal another spine from a corpse...
She was takin' a back when taken aback!
What part of the brain deals with knowledge about plants?
The treefrontal cortex.
"You can't skele-run from my skele-puns."
Don't you just hate it when it's 212 degrees outside? It really just makes my blood boil.
Why is a baby showing the top of its head during labor a significant event?
Because that’s the baby’s crowning achievement.
The sound of my bones really cracks me up.
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
"Bone to be wild."
What’s the least honest bone in the body?
The fibula.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
Two detectives interrogate a 37 year old mute man. The detectives give the man a notepad which he scribbles on for a few seconds, and hands back to them.
"I'll never talk."
What do you call two guys with no arms and no legs and hang on the wall?
Curt 'n Rod.
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
What do you call it when the axe in your hand falls on your feet.
An AXEIDENT.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
What do you call a skull without 86 billion neurons?
A no brainer.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
What do neurons use to talk to each other?
Cellular phones.
What
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument?
The xylobone.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
What do you call the shirt a neurosurgeon wears to every brain surgery?
His specialty.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
When I was young, my dad used to throw quarters at my head whenever I acted up.
He said, “Maybe this’ll knock some scents into you.”
What is a 2000 pound skeleton called
A skeleTon.
A brain aneurysm would be swell.
One day, I looked to my spine and said
Thanks for all the support! Thanks to you we've grown to new heights.
I banged my head on a low bridge.
Would have been ok if viaduct.
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
I can heartly wait to see you again.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
I can't stand when people kick me in the back of the leg.
What do you call a crazy blood-sucking parasite?
A lunatick!
How do you know if a spine finds you funny?
It starts cracking up.
I think I'm going to remove my spine.
It's only holding me back.
My favourite jokes are skeleton puns
Why? I find them humorous.
What has four legs and an arm?
A happy pitbull.
How did the frog feel when he hurt his leg?
Unhoppy
When does a brain get afraid?
When it loses its nerve.
I'm so Midwestern, it's in my blood
I'm type Ohp!-ositive
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
What do you call it when a skeleton is having a great time?
An osteoblast.
What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree!
The real reason humans have wrinkly brains?
We've been in the gene pool too long.
Did you know there's a college in the brain for hippopotami?
It's called the Hippocampus.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.